Was the last time I held her as my child already passed? Did her childhood end without me knowing?
The thought had me pressing my hand hard against my sternum to relieve the ache there. Lex caught the motion and quietly pulled my hand into his, squeezing hard in an attempt to ground me.
I could feel my thoughts spiraling, my heartbeat racing and vision tunneling, yet the simple gesture of his hand in mine, rough skin against rough skin, kept me on the brink of panic. I shot him a grateful smile, though it was over quickly as that ache returned once more. I felt Ilyas move to my right, his hulking formblocking the sun from my eyes, before he reached gently for the hand pressed against my chest.
Ilyas’ palm was so large that it engulfed mine completely, the warmth of his skin chasing away the cold that built in my blood and set my bones to shaking.
As if the fear of the unknown surrounding my daughter wasn’t enough for the three of us, there was still the undercurrent of uncertainty regarding Peytor and his fate.
Was he in Alvor somewhere looking for us?
Was he adrift in the ocean somewhere, hanging onto rigging and refuse, waiting for us to rescue him?
I refused to think of the possibility that his body was cold and bloated, resting against the sand and rocks beneath the peaceful waves as crabs and fish slowly devoured his corpse.
A shudder worked its way through me once more, which I felt reflected in Ilyas and Lex. They both looked haggard and older than their years; purple circles surrounded eyes fraught with swirling darkness, deep lines set in their brows as their foreheads were pulled into permanent scowls.
I don’t remember the last time either of them had smiled or laughed.
I hummed softly, thinking the same of myself.
“What was that noise for?” Ilyas asked, his voice a rumble of stone down a hill in the quiet morning.
“I don’t remember the last time I smiled. Or laughed,” I said, surprising even myself with my honesty.
Ilyas squeezed my hand in understanding as Lex bit his lip.
“Not much to smile or laugh about lately, was there?” Ilyas said.
I hummed again but felt Lex’s mood sour even further.
“It’s my fault,” he mumbled, chin hanging to his chest as his boots suddenly dragged through the sandy road.
“What?” Ilyas and I questioned together.
“I’m your Mage, the center of the Bond, and I . . . I haven’t been thinking of your emotions or what you need to feel . . . secure.” His voice was long and forlorn, the realization that heactuallybelieved his words dawning on me.
I shook my head, braids tinkling with the movement, at the same time Ilyas grunted a sharp, “No.”
Lex sighed, pawing his free hand through his unruly hair, sweeping it back from his forehead even as the breeze picked up and brushed it forward once more.
I felt a glowing tickle in my belly at the ire in his eyes and the tightness around his lips as he fought a losing battle against the wind. That little glow blossomed and took root, filling my chest with warmth and causing my lips to twitch even as Lex’s glower darkened, muttering curses at the wind as he walked.
“Can’t Torin control this damn breeze?” he growled.
“Worried about your hair, Mage?” Ilyas asked, the same mirth I found growing in my chest reflected in his sparkling ocean eyes. How beautiful they were when they glinted in such a way. A broad, slow smile spread across his brown skin as he saw me lose my own battle with my glee.
A low rumbling chuckle built in Ilyas’ chest before working its way out of his throat and exploding from his plush lips, his head thrown back in laughter as his whole body shook.
My own laughs joined shortly after, the two of us creating our own melody together; it was beautifully morose, the kind of lightness that can only come after the extreme dark. A relief of sorts that the sundidactually rise again to chase the shadows away.
Soon, Lex added his sound to our melody, a brilliant weaving of tones and experiences. It was a stunning harmony, but not yet complete.
Eventually our mirth died as we walked, but I felt lighter than I had in days—months, even.
I carried that golden feeling throughout the day as we continued our trek northward, during lunch at the top of a hill that overlooked the southern part of Deucena, and finally as we reached the outskirts of Alvor, finding reasons to laugh in the lightness that shone above even as the wind grew colder and bit through our thin tunics and pants.
The relief that built was palpable, and I nearly wept from the exhaustion of holding so many emotions for so long.
