“But I need to apologize first.”
“Apologize for what, Fo?” Peytor asked, his head resting on a propped hand. Lex turned so he laid on his back, one hand lightly resting on Peytor’s chest while his eyes swept me with concern.
I sighed as I moved out of Ilyas’ hold toward the bed. Both Peytor and Lex scrambled as quickly as their aching muscles would allow to the headboard. I nestled myself in the space Lex and Peytor created, both men folding around me as Ilyas found a spot curled around Lex’s back.
“Apologize for what?” Peytor reiterated. I sighed as I traced obscure patterns on the back of Peytor’s hand.
“For not being present. For pushing you all away. For being neglectful in this Bond, in this relationship,” I whispered, rapidly wiping at my burning eyes in an effort to stave off the emotion threatening to spill down my cheeks.
Lex’s gentle caress replaced my own aggressive one, soothing the hurt while simultaneously breaking me apart. I didn’tdeservehis kindness, his gentleness. My absencehurtthem. Pushed Lex out of our bed and into a study room. KeptIlyas on the outside of our burgeoning relationship, and forced Peytor away from the people he cared about most.
Itanya was loved byallof them, not just me, and I’d retracted inward, choosing to grieve alone rather than borrow strength from each of them.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Lex said with a shake of his head.
“But I do. We could have grieved together, found solace in each other. Instead, I pushed everyone away, nearly fractured our group.” My voice cracked on the last statement, and I bit my lip to stave off further tears. My beads clicked together in an angry symphony as I aggressively shook my head.
“Yes,” Lex admitted. “You could have. But then Peytor and I wouldn’t have had extremely hot hate sex in the office.”
Peytor groaned in embarrassment, but I could feel his smile against my shoulder where his face was tightly tucked. Even the corners of my lips twitched.
“Was it?” I asked.
“Was it, what, Fo?”
“Hot?” I whispered, and all three men groaned. Peytor hardened against my leg, and a quick glance downward showed a similar situation in Lex’s pants.
“Yes, Fo,” Peytor whispered against my neck. “It wasotherworldly.”
Arousal flushed my cheeks and elevated my heart rate. Lex’s pupils dilated at the outward signs of my desire.
“I—I would like us all to be . . . together. If that is something you all want,” I admitted softly. It was as if time stood still. Each of the men froze, the air thickening with lust and desire until it was nearly oppressive.
“Folami,” Lex whined as Peytor groaned.
“We do nothing unless you are absolutely certain,ayaba,” Ilyas interjected even as his large, dark hand swept past Lex’s hip to tease at his growing erection. My breath caught in my throat as I watched the large Pleasure Mage stroke my Bonded’s cock through his pants. Lex whimpered at the sensation, and Peytor swore from behind me.
“Fuck. That’s . . . “
“Incredible,” I finished breathlessly.
Immediately, Ilyas’ hand stilled, pulling a pained groan from Lex’s throat. “Why must you do that to me and then stop?”
“Because I need confirmation from our woman. I need to know that she is well, that this is whatshedesires and not because it is whatwewant.”
Lex’s eyes fluttered open as he fixed me with an intense stare. Despite his blown pupils, I found the seriousness in his gaze. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he would stop this completely if I said the word. That we would simply take turns in the copper tub, soaking our sore muscles, before collapsing into bed together for an entirely different reason.
All three men would accept that decision without question.
They loved me, they respected me, but they alsowantedme.
And I wanted them in return.
“Yes,” I whispered. “I want this. Want to be together as a quad. Want to show you how much I appreciate all of you, how much Iloveeach of you.”
One of them whimpered at my words, but my eyes were already closed against the torrent of emotions swirling through my mind.
“Shh,ayaba. We’ve got you. Let us take care of you. Let us love you,” Ilyas whispered before he pressed his lips to mine. Instantly, my mind quieted, my body growing lax as I opened my mouth to Ilyas’ tongue and wrapped my arms around his neck.
