My heart thumped at the thought, a sickening feeling taking root in my gut. We’d successfully avoided the topic of where we were until now, and I, more than anything, wanted tokeepavoiding it.
“And what is so bad about never leaving the cottage? There’s food stored here somewhere, I’m certain . . .” I said, rising from the bed to bang through the depressingly empty cupboards.
Rohak sighed loudly behind me, and I turned to see him carving a hand through his hair.
“Faylinn, I know the memories this place holds. But . . . we’re here, now. Don’t you think we should?—”
“No,” I stated emphatically with an aggressive shake of my head that had my curls bouncing around my face. “No, Rohak. I don’t think we should.”
“Why not?”
“Why not? You know why not. There’s just . . .” I gestured vaguely in the air with my hand before turning back to search the empty cupboards for a second time.
“Faylinn, any food that you left here was eaten by the rodents or family of snakes I chased from here last night,” Rohak commented dryly. “Come here, my love,” he commanded. I was loath to do anything that went against his desires, and I found my body straightening and walking toward him.
Rohak held his arms open, and I gratefully folded myself into his warm, comforting embrace. His heart beat steadily, in time with my own, and I lay my ear against his chest, counting its perfect beats. My arms snaked around his naked torso to cling to him loosely while I relaxed into his hold. One hand cupped my back while the other softly pet my hair, gently detangling my curls with his fingers.
“Holt is buried here.” His statement was so simple yet packed with so much unprocessed emotion that I tensed involuntarily despite the softness with which it was delivered. Emotions flitted quick as lightning through my mind, and I desperately tried to contain them lest they travel down the Bond to Rohak.
Try as I might, I couldn’t hold back the torrent of sadness and despair, the feelings of failure and longing whenever I thought about my father and his death. The event was convoluted beyond measure.
I’d never known a parent other than Holt; he’d raised me from the moment I stumbled into Isrun without any memories, yet sporting scars on every inch of skin. He’d never asked questions, simply put me up in his store like it was never a question where I would stay. To know now that he wasactuallymy father was a particular pressure point I hadn’t yet addressed.
I watched him die in front of me—lay in his blood as it oozed from the wound in his neck, my fingers reaching for his, unable to touch because of the rune barrier the Bondsmith had erected.
Yes, without Holt’s death, I never would have left Isrun. Never would have discovered the secrets of my past, never would have met Rohak.
Everything about that moment in time was so twisted that it was impossible to separate the emotions, and instead, I let them tangle together like the way my fingers were currently twined in Rohak’s hair.
I was staring somewhere over his shoulder, unable to meet his gaze even as I felt the heady weight of it. I didn’t want to see the understanding that I knew he’d convey; I wasn’t sure I deserved it.
The fire crackled and popped in the hearth, warming our still naked bodies, pressed flushed together.
“It’s not like I’m happy about his death,” I blurted suddenly as if we were having an entire conversation together in my head before this proclamation.
Rohak squeezed the back of my neck lightly before resuming his casual petting.
“I know that, my love. And he knew that. He would also understand why you’re conflicted, just as I do.” His voice was soft and cajoling, a deeply rooted and ancient ache conveyed in every word.
My gaze did fly to his then, and I watched as emotions flashed quickly in his irises. I started in surprise as I felt each and every one of them.
Rohak smirked slightly before his smile fell again. “I told you I want this”—he plucked the Bond—“to remain open forever. I want to know each and every part of you, Faylinn, as deeply and intimately as I know myself. That means that you’re going to experience my emotions along with me. I doactuallyfeel things, you know.”
My mouth quirked in response.
“And here I thought you were stone,” I teased lightly, trying to steer away from the uncomfortable conversation about Holt and Isrun.
Rohak paused for a moment, his strokes in my hair never ceasing.
“Not made of stone, my love,” he kissed my forehead lightly. “Part of being human is experiencing pain. This place brought you so much pain in the past, but was your home for so long. And you forget you have me now—a stone to share your burden, to share that pain.”
I laughed slightly at his pun, but sobered when I saw the intensity in his green eyes.
“You’ve shared my agony over Alois’ death. Will you share this painful part with me, please?” he asked, pushing the wayward curls back from my face.
I groaned loudly, letting my head drop against his chest so I could feel the organ that beat so soundly beneath his breast.
“We’re going into Isrun, aren’t we?” I asked, my voice muffled. Rohak tensed as my lips moved over his bare skin, and I felt his cock harden again despite our serious conversation.
