A full-body shudder worked its way through my system at the mere thought of putting my well-being in the hands of another. Trusting Peytor was difficult enough; letting him past my defenses to see all the ugly, broken parts of me was both cathartic and the most difficult thing I’d ever done. But that connection was different, organic even, and while Peytor held my heart in his hands, there was no other physical risk. He couldn’t force me to hold his magic; couldn’t draw so deeply from me and so quickly that I felt like my soul was being rendered into pieces; couldn’t attempt to expand my magic storage in some of the most painful experiments possible.
My body was beholden to Peytor, but only because I gave him that right, that privilege. Even the abstract prospect of losing all bodily autonomy again had saliva pooling in my mouth as my gut roiled with nausea.
My eyes flitted to everything and nothing as I desperately tried to fight the rising panic.
Trees, grass, fallen leaves. A felled log. Moss.
I even more desperately tried to avoid the two men who were sprawled against the downed tree, but my eyes were inexplicably drawn to them. My gaze jumped to a still unconscious Lex d’Talionis.
True Bond, my mind unhelpfully supplied.
Instead, I forced myself to catalog the other man.
A second Bonded?
Sometime in the last half hour, Lex had curled toward the second man, using his thick thigh as a pillow while one of his unusually large hands gently pushed Lex’s hair from his sweaty forehead. Gods, they looked a frightful mess. Blood and mud marred their tunics and pants, dark unidentifiable stains stood out even against the black of their uniforms. It was painfully obvious that they’d left Vespera and followed us here, though while we had provisions and a Water Mage with half-full crystals, they’d had nothing.
A pang shot through my heart at the thought.
No, no sympathy.You don’t know them or their intentions.
I was mesmerized by the way the large man stroked Lex’s forehead and hair with such care, such intimacy, that my eyes burned and a lump formed in my throat.
If a Vessel has that much care for his Mage, then maybe he’s different . . .
I physically shook my head to dispel the festering, dangerous thoughts.
“You’re thinking rather hard over there,” the man called, his voice low and gruff with exhaustion. My eyes snapped to his, only to be swallowed by the ocean. This man’s gaze was intense and unwavering, even though dark circles marred the light-brown skin beneath his eyes.
“I—I don’t know what to think,” I admitted quietly, softer than I ever had before. There were too many thoughts, too many possibilities for me to make any sort of sense out of this situation.
The man hummed.
“He looked for you, you know,” he said, and I frowned.
“Who?”
“Lex, my Mage.” The man nodded at the sleeping man in his lap. “He felt you when he was in the dungeon, and, after he Bonded me, knew he wanted to find you. But you slipped through ourgrasp.”
I blanched, the golden trinkets in my braids tinkling together softly as I reared my head back in shock.
“What did you say?” I asked incredulously, not daring to believe.
“Which part?”
“You’re his . . . Vessel?” I focused on the more digestible information first, choosing to blatantly ignore the second half of his declaration. If I did, if I let myself trail down that path, I would surely be lost to the insidious memories that would break through my well-constructed and steadfastly maintained barriers.
The man shot me a small smile, his hand continuing to pet Lex’s hair. “Ilyas. True Pleasure Bond to Mage Lex d’Talionis.”
“Pleasure Bond? I’m a Pain Vessel,” I stated, my voice flat.
“Mhmm. Surely, considering you were in the army the same time as us, you would have heard of the Mage with two affinities?” His deep gaze was just as probing as his question. The contrast of his bright, inviting eyes to his darker complexion was disarming, and I had to bite my tongue to stave off the growing urge to tell him everything.
Instead, I shook my head lightly, my fist involuntarily tightening around my spear shaft once more. “No,” I stated, a hard bite to my tone. “The Mage I Force Bonded was often . . . elsewhere.”Don’t think about where.“On other missions,” I clarified. “We were only called back to Vespera twice before I . . . left.”
Ilyas was quiet, his knowing eyes delving deep into my soul, past my rough-shod defenses and into each disgusting piece of my past.
“Once for the attack on the Valley and once to help with some experiments in the dungeons.” It was a statement, not a question.
