“Say that again?”
“I said, what if I want to join? Your triad, that is.”
I sat up fully, then, leaning my forearms against the desk to fix Peytor with a probing gaze.
“Why?” I asked, probably harsher than I intended, if Peytor’s wince was any indicator. He said nothing for a moment, and I drummed my fingers against the maps in agitation and anticipation. “Why, Peytor?”
“Because your triad is fracturing,” he blurted, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise, my fingers stalling completely.
“Your triad is fracturing. Anyone can see it. Folami spends her nights with me. You spend your days and nights holed up here, pushing everyone away who could possibly help you. Ilyas haunts the halls like a specter. Your triad is broken, and you need help.”
There was no malice in his admittance, just observation and fact.
I blew out a breath, rustling the papers as I sat back heavily once more.
“And how would you joining fix it?” I asked dully. “Because if it’s just for Folami, I’m telling you that won’t repair us. You would have to beinPeytor. Completely and utterly in. That means we shareeverything, Peytor.”
Peytor’s mouth flattened into a grim line, and I barked a laugh.
“You hate me that much, don’t you. You offered to save my triad because you love Folami, maybe even tolerate Ilyas, but there is no love for me, is there?” I scoffed and waved my hand in dismissal. “If that’s all, I have a little girl to save.”
With that, I turned away from Peytor, effectively dismissing him completely. But I couldn’t focus on the maps littering the desk. My eyes stung, suddenly filled with unshed tears. It fuckinghurtthat Peytor wanted nothing to do with me.
Was Ithatintolerable?
I drummed my fingers as I staredsightlessly.
“Why are you still here?” I rasped, trying to keep the emotion from my voice and failing miserably.
“You’re looking at an upside-down map, Lex,” Peytor said gently, his thick calloused hands coming into view as he quickly turned the map the correct direction. My cheeks heated, and I grunted a quick thanks.
“Lex,” Peytor coaxed again, all previous ire gone. “Lex, please look at me.”
I was a slave to his command, my eyes pulling from the map beneath my hands to the man standing in front of me. Peytor sucked in a small breath at the emotion brimming in my gaze, threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“What? Is this what you wanted to see, Peytor? Did you want to know that your words cut me deeper than they have any right to? That despite your obvious hate and disgust toward me, I still want you? That I still care about you and desire you? And not just because you’re attached to Folami. Because there is something just . . . solid about you. Ilyas and I are emotional, we’re flighty. Folami has walls upon walls, something Ilyas and I understand but don’t know how to break through. But you? You’re steadfast. You’re strong. There is something grounding and comforting about you, Peytor. But to know you want nothing to do with me when I would want everything to do with you?Thatcuts deepest.”
I let a few tears fall, then, before using my shoulder to wipe them away. Before I could turn my head to catch the tears on the other side of my face, Peytor’s strong, calloused palm cupped my cheek. With motions that were tentative and way too gentle for the vitriolic way he spoke to me, Peytor wiped away the evidence of my pain with the pad of his thumb, slowly massaging my cheek as he did so.
“How can you think that, Lex?” he murmured, never extracting his hand. “I thought the hate was sort of foreplay for us, to be honest. It was I who thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”
I frowned, trying to think of how Peytor would come to that conclusion.
He smiled crookedly and shook his head. “It wasn’t as if you were declaring your desire for me to join your group, Lex. You moved Folami into your rooms and left me in mine. You offered to let Itanya sleep in my room when she wanted because you knew I was a father to her, but you never once offered for me to join you all. I was constantly on the outside looking in, jealous of what you all had and hating myself for desiring a position in your group, for desiring you.”
Peytor began to pull his hand from my face, but I caught it with my own, pressing a kiss to his palm, which caused him to hiss in a breath.
“Seems we were both a bit blinded,” I said softly, my lips delicately brushing his skin with every word.
Peytor hummed in apparent agreement, and I relinquished my grip on his hand to fix him witha serious stare.
“We’re going to need better communication if we want to make a quad work,” I said, and my heart jumped in my chest at the smile that broke over Peytor’s face.
I rose slowly from my chair, padding softly to the other side of the desk, my gaze never leaving Peytor’s. He turned as I walked, always keeping his front to me as if I were a predator circling their prey.
I didn’t speak again until we were chest-to-chest. His fell with rapid breaths, clearly as affected as me. My nose came to his chin, my lips to his neck, where I slowly leaned forward to press chaste kisses down the column of his throat.
Peytor groaned when my mouth made contact with his heated skin, and I felt goosebumps erupt over every inch I kissed. I pressed forward until our bodies were completely flush, surprised at the straining erection in Peytor’s pants.
