“Trust me, as someone who’s there already…” Ree sighs. “It’s not a desirable destination.”
“The girls can’t hack it.” Mark chuckles. “You could have named any of the other dark-haired women in the village,” he goads Toby. “Or even the blonds. Or the Farmer.”
“Oh, my God. I’m surrounded by insanity,” says Ree. “Me and Champy are the only sane ones here.”
“The Farmer would be…just a ridiculous level of wrong that no one would be capable of.” Tobes answers Mark easily. “I don’t know what your problem is, Dad. Haven’t you ever imagined what someone else might be thinking without thinking it yourself?”
“This is so great.” Ree rolls over onto her back. “I hope we get several more hours of it. I just can’t wait to see who wins.”
“Yeah, course,” Mark tells Tobes. “But this is different. We’re talking about resemblances. You can’t imagine a resemblance someone else might spot unless you’ve spotted it yourself. It’s impossible.”
“Well, actually, it’s not, because it’s literally what happened.” Toby yawns.
“Please, stop, all of you,” I say. “You’re disturbing Champ.” Ifthey keep this up, I’m going to have to leave the room, and I don’t want to. It’s after midnight and I’m in my nightie. As long as I live, I’ll never understand anyone who argues for fun.
“Champ’s fast asleep, Sal,” says Mark.
“All right, Dad, let’s put this to the test,” Tobes says. “I’m going to find someone in this film who reminds me of someone, and then I’m going to ask you—”
“Right, that’s it,” Ree snaps. “Want to talk resemblances, Toby? Mum, let me tell you about Bonnie—”
“Noooooo, let’s not do that.” Tobes cuts her off.
“Then let’s not do ‘boring me to death’ either, little brother.” Ree gives him a pointed look.
“Who’s Bonnie?” I ask.
“No one. Forget it,” Toby says tersely. “Forget it, Dad. You’re right. I guess that scientist must have reminded me of Vinie Skinner.”
“Well, of course she did.” Mark lets out a satisfied sigh.
Again, I have that falling-into-a-bottomless-pit feeling. “Ree, who’s Bonnie?”
“She’s the scientist, Mum, okay? In the movie. Which I’m switching off now because we’re clearly not watching it anymore.”
Later, once everyone is asleep apart from me, I remember that the scientist in the movie was called Anya. Not Bonnie. And why would Toby have shut Ree down so fast if she was only talking about a character in a film?
I want to shake them both awake and demand, with all the parental authority I can muster, that they tell me whatever it is they’re keeping secret. But they’re asleep and I’ve already draggedthem halfway around the country, and I’m scared of knowing the truth. If it was anything important, I’m sure they’d tell me. Bonnie is probably a girl whose heart Toby has broken or is about to break. It can wait, whatever it is.
Still, I can’t sleep, so I stroke the fur on the back of Champ’s neck in the dark and solve the resemblances question all on my own and in silence: Clearly there are two tiers of resemblance spotting. Tier 1 is where you notice it straight away or unprompted. Tier 2 is where you don’t, but when asked, and once you know there’s a possible resemblance out there to be had, then it comes to you.
Easy.
24
Rhiannon Madeleine Lambert—Ree for short—is my sister. I haven’t been able to mention her until now (or her contribution to various scenes and discussions) because I wanted you to assume I was her and that these parts of the story were her handiwork. Perhaps you even wondered if this entire book was written by Ree. It’s not inconceivable that she might have chosen to present some sections from Mum’s close third-person perspective. That’s what it’s called when it’ssheinstead ofIbut the reader nevertheless has access to that character’s innermost thoughts—though Ree would never start a sentence withIt’s not inconceivable…
Now that you know I’m not her, you can wonder all these things about me too, I suppose. Am I the sole author of this account of our war with the Gaveys, or one of two? One of several, maybe? Or perhaps someone else is writing about me and it’s a lie that theIis me, if you see what I mean.
Did you notice I told you, in the second “Me” section, that Iwent downstairs immediately after Detective Connor Chantree left us alone on 17 June, while Mum was whispering to Champ that she was sorry she was too upset to sing him his sunshiny-day song? Then in a later chapter (a “Sally” one) you read that Ree came down only after Dad and Tobes got back. That was probably too subtle a clue, so I gave you a more overt one: sibling. That will have made it click for some of you, but just in case anyone is still confused, here’s another even bigger clue: ghostwriter.
So. Now you should all know who I am, if I tell you that Sally and Mark Lambert are my mum and dad and Ree, Toby, and Champ Lambert are my brothers and sister.
I couldn’t risk revealing my true identity before, for four reasons:
1. There are prejudiced people who wouldn’t want to read a book written or cowritten by the likes of me. If you’re one of those people, all I can say is: Read on, and don’t assume you know anything at all, because youreallydon’t.
2. There are unimaginative people who wouldn’t believe my sort could ever write a book. (Remember what I said at the beginning about most people being unwilling to think that anything they don’t know for a fact is true?).
