Those sheets still didn’t smell right. He lifted the corner of the sheet, planning to strip the bed again.
“Are you going to just keep washing those sheets until they disintegrate?”
Leyden immediately dropped the corner of the sheet and spun around. Connor stood in the doorway, arms crossed, mouth quirked in amusement.
“I…they didn’t smell right.”
“They smell fine.” Connor stepped into the room, looking around. “You’ve cleaned this place so much I can practically see my reflection in the floor.”
Leyden ran a hand through his hair. “I wanted everything ready.”
“It is ready.” Connor moved closer, tilted his head. “You’re nervous.”
“No.” The lie came out automatically.
Connor raised an eyebrow.
Leyden sighed. “Maybe. A little.”
“You’ve done this before. Many times.”
“Not with you.”
Connor’s expression softened. He crossed the room, took Leyden’s hands. “What are you worried about?”
“That I’ll mess it up. That it won’t be good for you. That you’ll…” Leyden stopped, gripped Connor’s hands tighter. “I want this to be perfect. You deserve perfect.”
Connor tucked in the errant sheet corner and then pulled Leyden down to sit on the edge of the bed. “It doesn’t need to be perfect.”
“It does.” Leyden looked at their joined hands. “This is your first time. It matters. I want you to remember it as something good, something worth waiting for. Not just - not fumbling around in the dark, hoping for the best.”
“Your wolf’s eyesight is as good as mine.” Connor chuckled. “Is that honestly what you think will happen?”
“I don’t know what will happen.” Leyden met Connor’s eyes. “I’ve never done this with someone I love before. Someone who matters as much as you.”
Connor’s face did something complicated. “You love me.”
“Of course I love you. You know that.”
“No, I mean…” Connor squeezed Leyden’s hands. “You’re nervous because you love me. Not because I’m inexperienced or might freak out. Because it matters to you that I feel good.”
“Yes.” Leyden swallowed. “I’ve never loved any of the people I’ve bedded before. I’ve never wanted to make it special or memorable in any way. It was just sex.”
“And this isn’t just sex.”
“No. This is you.” Leyden brought Connor’s hand to his mouth, kissed his knuckles. “This is us. This is me showing you how much I want you, how much you mean to me. And I’m quietly terrified I’ll fuck it up somehow.”
Connor pulled one hand free, cupped Leyden’s face. “You won’t fuck it up.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” Connor’s thumb was warm as it traced a line from Leyden’s temple to the corner of his lip. “Because it’s not about technique, experience, or wrinkle free sheets. It’s about us. You and me, together. That’s what makes it good.”
Leyden leaned into Connor’s touch. “What if you change your mind? What if we start and you realize you don’t actually want it?”
“Then I tell you and we stop.” Connor said it like it was simple. “You told me that at least a dozen times. Then we hold eachother, and we try again another time. Or we don’t. Either way, we’re still us.”
“Just like that?”
