“I’m ruining your life.” Tears gathered in Connor’s green eyes. “You gave up everything for me. Giving up sex was bad enough but now your father’s respect has gone out the window and probably other family relationships too. And for what? A broken mate who might never want you the way you deserve to be wanted?”
“You’re not broken.” Leyden gripped Connor’s shoulders, fury making his voice rough. “Don’t you dare call yourself by that word ever again.”
“Then what am I?” Connor demanded, tears spilling over. “What do you call someone who can’t feel basic physical attraction? Who makes their mate choose between sex and their relationships?”
“I call you mine.” Leyden cupped Connor’s face, forcing eye contact when Connor tried to look away. “I call you my mate. My partner. The other half of my soul.”
“I’m not enough…”
“You are everything to me.” Leyden’s voice rang with conviction. “Everything. My father is a closed-minded fool who thinks physical intimacy is the only kind that matters. But he’s wrong. Connor, you challenge me, support me, see me in ways no one else ever has. You make me laugh. You make me think. You make me want to be better.”
“But I don’t make you…” Connor choked on the words.
“You do make me happy.” Leyden brushed tears from Connor’s cheeks with his thumbs. “Genuinely, deeply happy. For the first time in my life, I’m not lonely. Do you understand what that means? Sex without emotional connection is nothing. It’s empty.But you?” Leyden’s voice softened. “You fill every empty space inside me.”
Connor’s breath hitched. “But what if I never…what if I can’t…”
“I would rather have you, exactly as you are, than anyone else in the world.” Leyden meant every word, and let the truth of it flow through their bond. “I don’t care about sex. I care about you.”
“You do care about sex.” Connor’s voice shook. “I feel it through the bond. Your arousal, your frustration…”
“My body wants you, yes. You’re a hunky guy who gets my motor running.” Leyden didn’t have an issue with telling his mate the truth. “But my heart, my mind, my soul? Those want you more. And they’re getting everything they need.” He stroked his thumbs along Connor’s cheekbones. “I’ve been managing biological urges my entire adult life. That’s what masturbation is for.”
“That’s not fair to you…”
“What’s not fair is you thinking you’re not enough.” Steel entered Leyden’s voice. “What’s not fair is my father making you feel inadequate when you’re perfect, in our own home no less. What’s not fair is you apologizing for being exactly who you are…the man I fell in love with.”
Connor’s eyes widened. “Love?”
“Yes, love.” Leyden hadn’t said it before, had been waiting for the right moment. But this was it. “I love you, Connor. Not despite who you are, but because of it. Every part of you.”
Fresh tears spilled down Connor’s cheeks. “I’m terrified,” he whispered. “I think about it nearly all the time. What if I never want sex? What if ten years from now, fifty years from now, I still can’t…” His voice broke completely. “What if you end up resenting me?”
Leyden pulled Connor against his chest, wrapping his arms around his mate’s torso. Connor resisted for half a second before collapsing into the embrace, sobs shaking his broad shoulders.
“I won’t resent you,” Leyden murmured into Connor’s hair. “Even if we never have sex, you’re still my mate and I’m still yours. That bond doesn’t require physical consummation. It requires love, trust, and commitment. And I give you all three, freely, with no expectations except that you stay by my side.”
“How can you be so sure?” Connor’s words came muffled against Leyden’s shoulder.
“Because I know what matters. You taught me that.” Leyden tightened his hold. “Before you, people wanted my body and didn’t care about my thoughts. You want my thoughts, my opinions, my company. You see me, Connor. The real me. And that’s worth more than any physical pleasure.”
Leyden pushed every ounce of certainty, love, and truth he possessed through their bond. He needed Connor to feel exactly how much Leyden needed him.
Connor’s sobs gradually quieted, though he didn’t pull away. Leyden held him steady, one hand stroking slowly through Connor’s dark hair.
“I heard what you told your father,” Connor said finally, voice raw. “About being lonely. About how I see you.”
“All true.”
“I know you’d mentioned it before, but I never realized how deep that loneliness was for you before me.”
“I didn’t talk about it.” Leyden pressed a kiss to Connor’s temple. “Alphas aren’t supposed to admit to loneliness. We’re supposed to be strong and self-sufficient. But the truth? I was miserable. Going through the motions, pretending casual sex satisfied me when really it just made the emptiness worse.”
Connor pulled back enough to meet Leyden’s eyes, his own still wet. “And now?”
“Now I have you.” Leyden smiled softly. “Now I come home and you’re here. We work together, eat together, and sit together. You fall asleep holding my hand. That’s not loneliness, Connor. That’s belonging.”
“Even without…?”
