Because with Xavier, it’s not just pretty words and a fake future. He means what he says and says what he means. Only hours ago, I heard Ryder say everything I thought I needed to hear in order to be okay.
I’ve always fucking hated when people drop the things happen for a reason line or tell you that one day, you’ll look back and be glad for all your unanswered prayers. It seemed like a cop-out, something happy people can tell those who are struggling because they don’t know what it’s like to feel the absolute crushing devastation of heartbreak.
But they’re right.
If things went the way I wanted them to, if Ryder said exactly what he said to me months ago, I would have fallen for it. My heart would have exploded and I would have tricked myself into thinking it was everything I wanted. I would have made myself small to fit into a world where I wasn’t fully welcome.
Slowly, I would have suffocated to death.
Wren, as I knew her, would be dead and gone and by the time I realized it, I don’t know if she could come back.
“What are you going to do about the coalition?” I ask softly.
“I will handle that,” he tells me, and I just nod. The thought of someone betraying the Malus vampires is scary—for them. But it is for us too because it means someone has it out for Xavier.
For his role. His power. His position in society.
“Okay,” I say and he picks me up, placing me on the edge of the sink. He kisses me and parts my legs, dropping down to his knees. I spread the robe open, giving him access, and rest back on my elbows as he kisses his way down, tongue lashing against me.
Putting one hand on his head, I slit my eyes open and watch as he eats me out, not stopping until I’m squirming against his face, writhing in pleasure from the intense orgasm he gave me. As pleasure still pulses through me, he carries me to the bed and takes off his pants.
I pull his shirt over my head as he moves over top of me, kissing me so I can taste myself on his lips. Curling my legs around him, I buck my hips as he pushes inside, fucking me hard. I come again, gripping tightly to him as he pushes in balls deep, finishing as well.
Heart still racing, I curl up next to him. He kisses the top of my head and my body relaxes. Things are so different with him, and I mean besides the obvious. The last time I felt happy in a relationship, it wasn’t because I liked how things were. I liked where they were headed.
And the future Ryder and I mapped out never was going to happen.
I’m not worried about next year with Xavier. I have no idea what life will be like for us down the road, and I don’t need to have a five-year plan anymore. Right now, he’s here, showing up for me in ways no one ever has before. The consistency of his care and affection isn’t something I’m used to, and if it weren’tfor the very real danger around us, I’d probably be making up scenarios in my head about how everything is going to crash and burn.
The world may burn, but it won’t be because of anything Xavier Malus did to me.
Wiping sweat from my brow,I gather up my notes and come inside. It’s in the middle of the afternoon, and I’ve spent the last few hours outside in the sun tweaking a vanquishing potion to use against whatever demon we might come up against.
Xavier, Theo, and Zeke all left this morning in a vampire-safe car and are meeting with the Vampire Council to discuss last night’s attack. I checked the news several times already today. A spokesperson from The Church of the New Dawn is claiming they had nothing to do with this, and a real Sunburst bomb wouldn’t harm humans. I’m no rocket scientist, but even I know that’s bullshit.
You can’t send a blast of radiation out there and expect it to do nothing to those literally in the same freaking room. According to the spokesperson, the Sunburst used last night was “homemade” which would actually be really impressive if it was done in someone’s basement without fancy equipment. No one on social media is buying it, and a lot of humans are calling to shut down the church. They shouldn’t have to fear being killed by humans like that.
Xavier is speaking again, and I’ve already declined to comment. And by that, I mean someone from the VC is acting as my PR agent. I can stand next to Xavier and keep my cool, but actually talking to someone on the news would be a totallydifferent story, and I’m guessing a reason why Theo doesn’t give interviews.
He has the same learned control as Xavier when it comes to resisting blood lust, but the guy is moody and impulsive. I don’t think he’d know good bedside manner if it bit him in the ass, and even when he’s not talking, it’s as if his face is giving subtitles of his inner thoughts.
After the VC meeting, Xavier and Theo are meeting with the coalition. Only the leaders of each prospective group are going, which means I’m staying home—which is fine by me. I overheard Theo talking to Xavier about doing some sort of internal surveillance to try and snuff out the mole.
“Hey,” Mabel calls from inside the dining room when I enter the house, coming in the side door off the breakfast area. “Must be hot out.”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” I say, realizing how sweaty I actually am. “The sun is brutal.” I wince right after I say it, knowing she misses feeling the sun on her face. “It’s pretty awful, actually.”
“Hah, sure it is.”
I go into the kitchen and set all my stuff down. Mabel zooms in, inhaling so she can smell the sunlight in my hair. If it were anyone else, it’d be creepy. But Mabel gets a free pass.
“Are you making a potion?”
“I’m going to try something new.”
“Can I help?”
“Sure,” I tell her. “A lot of this is just crushing up herbs. I’ll add them with the intention.”
