“I know, and I’ll never be able to make up for that, but I see it now, Wren I see that you’re right and I had to get away from that life because I don’t want to be responsible for passing it down. If I have kids, I couldn’t bear the thought of even telling them the things my father said to me.”
“What are you getting at?” I ask, heart rate speeding up.
“I left. They cut me off. My dad started the rumor about me killing a Malus vamp thinking he’d get me back. But I’m not going back. I actually put an offer on a cabin in Asheville. Maybe step out on my own for a while like we talked about. They’d probably let you back in, you know. You’re a good hunter and the Order values that.”
“Ryder,” I start and exhale while I shake my head. It all flashes before me: the life we talked about. Getting a house in the country. Taking a few years off from the Order so we could breathe. It seemed wonderful then because I didn’t know I could have anything more. And now he’s here, dangling that future in front of me again.
“I don’t want that life anymore,” I say quietly. “I don’t want to have to be a quieter, smaller version of myself. The Order will never accept me.” I swallow hard and smile as I look at him. “But I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.” Clarity washes over me right as the sun starts to shine down on us. Yes, I’mmarried to Xavier and I’m falling desperately in love with him. He’s dark and dangerous and embraces me for exactly who I am.
But it’s not just because of him that I won’t go back. It’s because—finally—I’ve outgrown thinking I need to shrink myself to belong.
Chapter
Twenty-Six
Antonio leans over, looking at the photo of the tattoo on my phone.
“That’s him all right.” He raises his eyebrows and sits back. “He overdosed or died from possession?”
“I don’t know,” I tell everyone. We’re crowded around the little round table. I’m in between Antonio and Leo, and Ryder is across from me. Even with the pressing demonic problem at hand, it’s still awkward with him being here.
He’s doing everything I ever wanted. All the things I begged and cried for. How many nights did I spend curled up in my bed, silently pleading with whatever higher power there was out there, asking it to give Ryder the courage to change?
And now he has. He’s just a little too late.
“As soon as I get the M.E.’s report, I’ll let you know.”
“Doesn’t really matter anymore,” Leo says. “The guy is dead and we have proof the Order was there.”
“Let’s be objective,” Ryder starts and it’s all I can do not to roll my eyes just by hearing his voice. His blind loyalty to the Order is what caused us to break up. Now I’m here with indisputable evidence that the Order is up to no good and hewants to defend them. “All we know for sure was that a wooden stake issued by the Order was found. You have no actual proof someone in the Order used it.”
“That is true,” Antonio says, bobbing his head up and down. “There are other possibilities and we need to go over every single one.”
“How did someone get an Order-issued weapon?” Leo asks, looking at me.
“Found it, stole it, was given it by a real hunter,” Ryder goes on. “There are a lot of wannabes out there and we have to step in and save the day.”
“That wannabe killed a vampire,” I say. “They at least knew what they were doing.” The human heart is roughly hand-sized and protected behind, skin, muscle, bone, as well as whatever clothing the vampire had on at the time. It takes skill, strength, and precision to stab anything in the heart. Now factor in a vampire’s strength, reflexes, and ability to fight while injured, and staking a vampire in close range is actually really fucking hard to do. Most of the time, it takes two or more humans to take down one vampire.
“Maybe the vampire was holding the hunters hostage,” Ryder tries and I make a face.
“Why?”
“To feed off of,” he fires back and I shake my head.
“Not if they were high. Vampires don’t like contaminated blood.”
“Yours must be pretty good,” Leo quips, eyes going to the marks on my neck. I have my hair in a side braid today, resting on my shoulder to cover up the still-healing wound from Devon. The little punctures on my neck from Xavier are visible, however.
“Actually, I’ve been told witches’ blood is superior.”
“Gross.” Leo makes a face. “I have questions, but I’ll wait.”
“Good, because I don’t know if I’ll answer.”
“We don’t train much on killing vampires,” Antonio says, steering us back to business. “Which we now know is because of the deal made, but there are hunters who have dedicated their lives to taking down vampires.”
“Like Jonah Voss,” Ryder offers almost apologetically. “He’s in our chapter.”
