Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and squeeze Xavier’s hand as the hospital doors automatically slide open. We’ve just arrived back after about an hour of being away. Deep down, I know how unrealistic it is to expect Devon to make a complete recovery. Hell, it’s unrealistic to expect him to makehalfa recovery. The nurse’s words ring in my head, over and over, yet they don’t seem to land.
I’ve heard of people in worse accidents bouncing back. Miraclesdohappen…but they never have for me, and expecting Devon to pull through benefits me as much as it benefits him, right? Am I even deserving of a miracle? I just handed out verbal death notes by telling Xavier who was behind all this.
But it’s not my fault, right? I wasn’t the one who kidnapped Mabel. I didn’t shoot Devon. Even if my brothers were telling the truth—that they were there to rescue me—it doesn’t change what happened.
“Wren?” Xavier slows and looks down, eyes meeting mine.
“I’m good,” I say, answering his question before he has a chance to ask. “I mean, all things considered.”
“Okay,” he says and tightens his grip on my hand. Ultimately, Devon’s fate is up to him and Theo, though something tells me Xavier has the final say in everything. The plan all along was to have Devon join them in the ranks of immortality, and until Devon met me, he was on board with this plan. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t be suffering right now. He was only given more time becauseIneeded more time.
I don’t want him to die, but I don’t want him to be turned if that’s not what he wants. Is there a part of me that’s worried I’ll have to live with the guilt of not stopping it? How selfish would that make me?
“Finally,” Theo says, voice cutting through my spiraling thoughts. I blink a few times, focusing my vision. “We don’t have long until sunrise and we need to get him home if we are going to do this.” He looks at Xavier as he talks, completely ignoring me.
“How is he?” I ask.
“Not any better,” Theo replies, still hardly even acknowledging that I’m there.
“Is he out of surgery?”
“Yes.”
“Can I see him?” Tears brim my eyes.
Theo lets out a heavy sigh and just stares at Xavier.
“There’s no harm in her seeing him,” Xavier tells his brother.
“I don’t like what she’s doing to you.” Theo narrows his eyes.
“You don’t have to like it,” Xavier replies simply. They hold each other’s stare for a tense few seconds but then Theo huffs again and turns, walking down the hall.
“Thank you,” I say to Xavier, but he just responds with a grunt. My fingers are trembling by the time we get to the ICU. Theo must have already held the nurse spellbound because she looks up at us with glazed over eyes for just a second before looking back at her computer.
“Do whatever you humans need to do,” Theo tells me. “I need to talk to my brother.” The look they exchange reminds me of the annoyed way Antonio has looked at Leo over the years. I’ve known the Russos as my siblings for pretty much my whole life. I can’t imagine how much we’d get on each other’s nerves over several lifetimes together.
“Hi,” I whisper, feeling all shaky as I slide open the glass door, letting myself into the tiny ICU room. Devon is almost unrecognizable. He’s hooked up to machines, including one that is helping his punctured lung breathe. “I’m really sorry.” My voice breaks and I bring my hands to my face, covering it as I sob. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Blinking through my tears, I shuffle over and put my hand on Devon’s arm.
He’s cool to the touch, not as cold as a vampire, but cooler than he should be. Maybe from the blood loss? The trauma?
“I know you said you didn’t want to be turned, but I don’t think you want to die.” Sniffling, I look at the machines, watching the beeps and the numbers slightly fluctuate. I don’t have a degree in anything medical, but I’ve been around enough carnage to have a decent understanding.
Devon’s vitals are weak.
Yes, people do pull through. People do witness miracles. But what if the person who needs to pull through doesn’t want to? What if Devon isn’t fighting against his injuries to come back? Maybe he wants to go on his own terms.
“Either way…I…I don’t think it’s my choice.” The words feel wrong coming out of my mouth. “It should be yours. But, um, we both know Theo and Xavier are kinda the King and Queen of the house. Theo is totally the queen, by the way. He’s really dramatic, but I’m sure you know.”
I force myself to look at Devon’s face. Sometimes, people look like they are peacefully sleeping when they’re in a medically induced coma like this.
Devon doesn’t.
He has too many tubes and wires attached to him to look even remotely natural. His chest rises and falls unevenly, and the heart monitor beeps too slowly. He’s stable—for now.
“All along, you wanted to be a vampire. It doesn’t seem so bad.” I inch closer, scared of bumping one of the devices keeping him alive right now. “I would miss food, but I’m guessing you don’t miss it once you turn, which is a weird concept to just stop wanting to emotionally eat cookies after a bad day, right?” My lips twitch into a half smile, almost able to hear him chuckle along with me.
“And you enjoy Mabel’s fake sunshine. She likes to smell my hair after I’ve been out in it. I’ll let you do that, too. But that’s the only thing you’re sniffing, mister.” My eyes fall shut and I try not to think too far ahead, but I can’t help it. Going from being alive to undead is just such a hard thing for me to wrap my head around.
