It had the ring of a prepared statement and the knowledge that Riley had already made up his mind shook Lucas.
“That’s not true,” he protested.
Riley said with weary finality, “It isabsolutelytrue. We both know it. I love my job, too, but I don’t want my life tobethe job. I want more. And for a long time, I thought...” He raised his shoulder in dismissal. “Nothing would’ve made me happier than to have that…more with you.”
Just for an instant, he seemed to waver. But if there was one trait Riley had in plenty, it was resolve. He continued steadily, “But it’s not going to happen. You are who you are. I am who I am. And if we keep pushing each other for something the other can’t give, we’ll lose the friendsh—”
“No,” Lucas cut in quickly, urgently. “You’re wrong. Listen. I was going to tell you; you’ve got the rest of the month off.”
This was news to Lucas, but he was now in full panic.
Riley’s jaw dropped. He looked flabbergasted. And not nearly as thrilled as Lucas had hoped. “The hell I am.”
“Yes. You am. Are. You’re off duty. I’ve approved your vacation request.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t— You can’t— That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t—”
“Yes. Hell, yes. You’re tired. You’re—you said you were feeling burnt out,” Lucas was practically babbling in his effort to override Riley before he said something there was no going back from. “You need this time. You’re right. I haven’t been fair expecting you to work all these weekends. If anyone deserves this time off, it’s you.”
“Are you kidding? You’re sendingmeon vacation?”
“I’m not sending you anywhere. I’mgrantingyour vacation request.”
“That wasn’t my request!”
Lucas sped on, safety cones flying in his wake. “I’m reassigning your cases, effective immediately. You don’t have to worry about anything. You can relax and unwind—”
Riley actually seemed to lose color. “Reassigning my cases?Mycases?”
“Temporarily,” pleaded Lucas in the face of the realization that even this, his final and best card, was making a bad situation even worse. “This is not a reflection on your performance. You know that. This is a-an acknowledgement. It’s a reward.”
“Reward?”Riley hit an octave Lucas would not have thought he—nothing human—was physically capable of reaching. “You think having my cases reassigned is areward?”
“Just while you’re on vacation. When you get back you can—we can—”
Riley pinched the bridge of his nose, took a couple of long shaky breaths. It was a very un-Riley-like reaction.
Lucas froze, swallowed, said tentatively, “Ry?”
Riley let out a long breath, lowered his hand. His expression was pale and stony. “You’re right. Iamtired. Idoneed a fucking break.” He tossed the card on his desk, grabbed his leather jacket—his jacket, not his parka—from the back of his chair, and brushed past Lucas, who stood frozen in place.
“It’s all yours, chief. Merry Christmas.”
Time’s Up, Lucas
So you’re telling me there’s a chance.
In another lifetime,Dumb and Dumberhad been one of Lucas’ favorite movies—not that it mattered now. He wasn’t that insecure, lonely, misfit kid anymore—hungry for purpose, meaning; aching to belong to something bigger than himself.
The good news was, Riley had not tossed his badge and weapon on his desk. He had not actually resigned, though Lucas was pretty sure it had passed through his mind.
The problem was, Lucas’ job rewarded discipline, detachment, decisiveness. All things he was naturally good at—or had gotten good at out of necessity. Relationships didn’t work that way. Emotions didn’t fit neatly into their allotted compartments. It made romance problematical. Not that Riley had been problematical. Up until nine days ago, no one could have beenlessproblematical. The problem was Lucas. Once he was in deep, once he truly cared, his instincts turned traitor. That was when he started pulling back, locking down, trying to manage love the way he managed everything else.
This wasn’t the first time it had happened, but it was the first time it felt like his need for control had wrecked his life.
It hadn’t, of course. He’d wrecked his relationship with Riley. He still had his job. Still had purpose, meaning, still belonged to something bigger than himself.
Except.
