SUMMARY:
At approximately 1930 hours, SSA Alexander accompanied SA Christopher to the Alpine Chop House for a field operation informally referred to as “dinner.” The objective was not clearly defined at the outset but appears, in hindsight, to have been an ambush.
OperationTWELVE DAYSCHRISTMAS SPIRIT began as an off-the-record engagement intended to gauge current team dynamics, specifically the interpersonal tension between Supervisory Special Agent Alexander and Special Agent Christopher.SubjectInvolved Party (Christopher) issued a previously communicated verbal ultimatum re: perceived work/life imbalance and supervisory neglect. In response to Christopher’s stated concerns, SSA Alexander initiated a non-work-related dinner at The Alpine Chop House.
Despite ideal environmental parameters (isolated booth, ambient lighting, protein-forward menu), mission results were inconclusive.
KEY OBSERVATIONS:
SA Christopher arrived on time, wearing the navy-blue Canada Goose Snow Mantra Parka (Price Range: $1,500–$1,800) gifted to him just last year by SSA Alexander who certainly DOES value SA Christopher’s contribution to the team and his household.
Dining experience included two bone-in ribeyes, cheddar/horseradish whipped potatoes, and one bottle of house red. SA Christopher declined dessert and cocktails, presumably to make a point. Including tip, the full cost of operational debrief added up to $539.67 which SSA Alexander paid for out of pocket as a gesture of his ongoing willingness to uphold team morale and reaffirm his belief in SA Christopher’s invaluable contributions.
Despite the opportunity toonce again air his grievancesdiscuss hisapparently unendingoperational concerns, SA Christopher insisted on discussing cold case files, including the Lewis-Clark Valley case, the disappearance of Hayley Corbin, and the Roadside Ripper case. SO HOW FAIR IS IT TO BLAME SSA ALEXANDER FOR BEINGUNEMOTIONALLYEMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE IF THAT’S WHAT THE CHARGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE? Twice during the course of the meal, SA Christopher subjected SSA Alexander to a single raised eyebrow. The LEFT eyebrow. Given the fluctuations in emotional temperature, SSA Alexanderstruggled to track conversational shifts or interpret subtext reliably.
EMOTIONAL INTEL (PRELIMINARY):
Involved Party SA Christopher appears to experience emotional vulnerability as opportunity rather than threat. Over the pasttwelvefive (?) days,RileyAgent Christopher has made multiple attempts to extract verbal affirmations from SSA Alexander, including but not limited to: “Have you everbeenon vacation? Do you evenlikevacation?” Or words to that effect.
Despite sub-zero temperatures and extended exposure toPerry Como (?) Andy Williams (?)Perry Como, Agent Alexander remains operationally stable, though he experienced internal buffering and short-term memory packet loss during these exchanges. Side note: Involved Party’s eyes appear bluer in low light.
INCIDENT REPORT:
Upon exiting the premises, SA Christopher kissed SSA Alexander. In full view of valet personnel.
SubjectInvolved Party then departed the scene in his government-issued Ford Explorer, leaving Supervisory Special Agent Alexander standing in approximately 2.5 inches of snow, uncertain whether this encounter was (a) a date, (b) a request to reopen the Hayley Corbin case, or (c) an exit interview.
ACTION ITEMS:
Conduct follow-up risk assessment re: romantic entanglement between field agents insatelliteremote RA offices
Further surveillance is recommended—possibly with fewer calories and more clarity. Agent Alexander also recommends reviewing Bureau policy on emotional blackmail via Christmas décor.
Reassess current vacation policy (two weeks seems…excessive?)
