Our bubble.
With everything in me, I want to believe we can hold on to it. But then the nausea hits again, sharp and sudden, and I barely make it to the bathroom in time.
When I lift my head, my reflection in the mirror is pale, eyes wide. My heart is pounding.
No. It can't be. I've been on the pill since junior year, and I haven't missed a single day, not once.
In a pharmacy three towns over, I buy a pregnancy test. I wear a hoodie and sunglasses, as if someone will recognize me and tattle to Noah through the grapevine. I wish I were overreacting, but in a small town, it works that way.
So there isn't any evidence at home, I take the test in a fast-food bathroom. It seems like a lifetime as I pace and wait for the test to do its thing.
Two pink lines.
For twenty minutes, I sit frozen in my car, eyes locked on that tiny plastic stick as if sheer willpower could change it.
It doesn't.
I'm pregnant.
And he's gone.
I don't remember driving home, but the next time I look up, I'm sitting on the couch, in the apartment attached to my brother Noah's house.
My fingers tremble as I grab a pen and pull out the stationery I use for my letters to Caden. I write the first draft in a blur, the words coming out messy and cracked, just like my heart.
Caden,
Please don't hate me for not telling you this in person. I didn't know. Not until after you left. I'm pregnant, and we’re having a baby. I don't know what this means, nor do I know how we'll make it work or what you'll say when you read this. But what I do know is that I love you, and this baby is part of both of us. And lastly, I want you to know that I'm not afraid of loving you. I just hope this doesn’t change everything between us.
Love, Lucy
I fold the letter.
But I don't send it.
The porch creaks beneath me as I curl into the corner swing, knees pulled up to my chest. I've read Caden's last letter four times since breakfast. My stomach churns, but I don't know if it's the hormones or the fear.
Lexi and Grace find me like this. Lexi carries a mason jar full of sweet tea, and Grace has a bag of those sour gummy candies I've been craving like air.
After Lexi hands me the drink, she flops beside me, glancing at the letter in my hands. Grace leans against the railing.
"Oh, thank God," Lexi says dramatically, eyeing my blotchy face. "You're just crying over a boy. I thought it was something serious, like out-of-coffee serious."
Grace snorts. "Or like Noah burned the bacon again."
I laugh, but it breaks halfway through. The sound turns to a sob, and then I can't stop. The words rush out before I can think.
"I'm pregnant."
The porch goes still.
Grace's eyes go wide. "Shit. Okay. That's... big."
Lexi blinks, then sets the tea down slowly. "Whose?"
I give her a look.
Her mouth opens. Then closes. "Caden."
