I draw a future I'm not afraid of anymore.
And I start planning the surprise that will show her I believe in it too.
Because I do.
I believe in us.
Chapter 9
Caden
"I'm scared all the time."
The words fall out before I can catch them. I stare at the ceiling of the therapy room, my hands twisted in my lap, the sound of the wall clock louder than it should be. My voice sounds small in the quiet space, like it doesn't belong to me.
My therapist, Dr. Tate, doesn't flinch. He just waits, giving me the silence that feels safe instead of heavy.
"Scared of failing. Of screwing this up. Of being less than what they need." I exhale slowly, the breath shaking its way out of me. "I used to think I was brave. Before. Now I wake up some mornings and I don't even want to open my eyes."
Dr. Tate leans forward slightly. "What would failing look like to you?"
"Letting them down," I say, the truth hot in my throat. "Letting Lucy down. Letting my kid down. Being... absent. Even when I'm there. I saw what that did to my dad. I swore I'd never be like that."
"You've already broken that cycle by showing up," he says. "By being honest about your fear. That's courage too."
I shake my head. "It doesn't feel brave. It feels weak."
"It's not. It's love. And love isn't about being fearless. It's about choosing them through the fear."
I look down at my hands. They're calloused again. Stronger than they were weeks ago. Still shaking sometimes, still clumsy. But not useless. They're hands that can hold, protect. Build.
"I want to be enough for them," I whisper.
"Then keep doing what you're doing," Dr. Tate says. "One step. One truth. One breath at a time."
The waiting room smells of lemon cleaner and new magazines. I sit next to Lucy, her hand wrapped in mine, her thumb brushingover my knuckles. It's almost embarrassing how tightly I'm holding on. She doesn't comment, but leans into me.
While she looks calm, I feel like I'm coming out of my skin. Noah got me special permission to join Lucy at her OB appointment and ultrasound today, and I have no idea what to expect.
The nurse calls her name, and we walk back together. I let Lucy lead. I feel like I'm still learning how to be a part of this, as if I'm trying to walk into a life that was already building itself in my absence.
The ultrasound tech is kind. She smiles and pulls out a warmed gel bottle. Lucy lies back, shirt pulled up, her belly rounded and perfect. My breath catches in my throat.
The tech places the wand on her stomach, and the screen lights up.
That shape. That heartbeat. That flicker of movement.
"There's your baby," the tech says.
I don't blink. I can't even breathe.
Lucy turns her head to look at me. I can't tear my eyes away from the screen.
"You see that?" she whispers.
"Yeah," I manage, my voice barely working. "That's ours."
The baby kicks, and I swear my heart stutters. The sound of the heartbeat fills the room, loud and strong. My throat closes up.
