Ash is growling in outrage, clutching the crumbling cookie while I referee with one hand and fish a lolly out of Luca’s thick black hair with the other. It’s a moment so loud, normal, andreal, so wildly alive, that it almost drowns out everything from earlier.
Almost. But not quite.
Because above the noise of my babies and the endless back and forth of theCosa Nostraguards’ radio crackling in and out from the front, there is always Clay… Sir.
Even when he’s not physically present.
He hovers in my mind and much, much lower, a persistent hum, a dangerous warning—his last sentence hanging in my mind. “Have your pretty body ready for me.”
I squirm, anticipating.
As we merge onto the main highway, a wave of sunlight angles through the dark tint on our windows, gilding the twins. The roads are busy and congested today, at peak hour. I’m about to lean in to plant a kiss on Luca’s sticky cheek when my peaceful, normal chaos fractures with a single, impossible noise—a horn, high and shrill, carving through everything and stopping my heart mid-beat.
Before I can process anything, I look left and see in haunting clarity the front grille of an oncoming car, close enough to count the smashed insects across its rusty bumper. The headlights bore into me.
Monstrous.
Impersonal.
I scream.
CRUNCH.
Everything happens at once. All events collide into a singular scene: we are hit. The impact is violent. It feels as though our SUV is shoved sideways. My head jerks, skull hitting the window. The world spins. I reach for the twins, but the seatbelt slices into my shoulder. I reach harder, further, desperately, protective fingers divingthrough space to touch my babies, protect them, but my body is pinned to the door by the force of the spinning car.
Spinning.
I want to protect them. I want my babies. I want Clay. I want Clay. I want my Clay. Please, please,oh God.
Please.
The SUV slams to a halt.
I fall forwards.
Now, moments after the crash, time seems to stretch like taffy… My face floods with tears, so, so, so many that I choke on them as I try to breathe.
To comprehend.
What. Just. Happened...
My heartbeat drowns everything except the high-pitched ringing in my ears. The sound triggers something?—
A memory: I’m ten, hearing the shot blast through our caravan, mistaking it for a blown tire or the old oven finally exploding. I remember my bare feet slapping against linoleum as I ran from our shared bedroom. I remember finding her. The metallic smell. The way her eyes stared at nothing. The same ringing in my ears then as now—a sound that has always meant one thing… my life changing while I am powerless to stop it.
The keening sound of babies crying slices through the ringing in my ears, and I am back in the car but not where I was before the crash, and time is normal and steady.
Luca! Ash!I force my eyes to find them, my vision blurring at the edges. Above me, two babies are still strapped into their seats, crying.
A sliver of hope.
Mummy is here.
I try to get to them, but my arms are heavy, like someone filled them with rocks. I peer down at my body. I’mon the floor between the front seat and theirs. I must have slipped out of my seatbelt, been thrown forwards.God,I hope I didn’t slam into them.
I try to move, but my legs are tangled.
Finally, I manage to reach with a shaky hand and touch a chubby leg. They are crying so much.Oh, God. I can hear them. More noise filters in—HJ in the front, barking curses, and the echoes of the crash. At least, I think they are echoes of metal on metal, of screams, of tires screeching, of motorbikes thundering, but…
