“Careful,” Malena says, laying both hands on my back. “Your legs are working great, Leif. You don’t even need my help right now.”
I’d never tell her how much pain I’m in or how much effort I’m putting into looking like a normal human being right now.
When we get to the bathroom, Malena meets my gaze, then looks away quickly. “Your ass is hanging out, so I’m going to assume you’ll be able to hang it in there and…go?”
I laugh even though it hurts my chest. “I need you to hang it over in the right spot. If I piss all over the floor, what will those poor nurses think of the mess?” I tease.
She laughs in a short burst, then the smile vanishes from her face. “You’re serious?”
“As a heart attack,” I say, lips in a firm line.
She lifts the gown tentatively, shaking her head. I shuffle forward a bit, using the walker to get closer to the toilet. “At least one thing looks the same,” Malena says, smirking. Using her thumb, she guides my dick up and out. “Okay, shoot,” she says.
“I’m getting hard, and then I won’t be able to piss,” I counter, sucking in a relieved breath. It works. Fuck yes.
“Oh my gosh, stop it. Pee, Leif! What if someone comes in?”
“Well then, we close the bathroom door and see just how well my dick works after a year without being inside you.”
“Don’t do that,” Malena says, her smile vanishing. “Be serious right now.”
“Fine, fine.” I concentrate on the white-painted cement block wall and close my eyes and piss. “Shake it,” I say when I’m done. “Don’t want to drip on the floor.”
“Shake it yourself.”
“Why aren’t you more accommodating in my recovery, huh?”
“Because we need to talk, Leif. I held your dick while you peed. Pretty sure that counts as helpful.”
Reaching down, I shake my cock a bit and stand up straighter against my walker. “And seeing as you could have held your own dick, I’d say you’re the one not being accommodating. It’s been a long time. We have so much to talk about.”
Reality stings. She said she loved me, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t move on without me. “Honesty. You were about to give me more of that,” I remind her.
Malena frowns. “Let’s get you back to bed.”
“I have to sit down for the truth? Yikes.”
She bites her lip. “I didn’t say it was bad. I’m worried about you. That’s all.”
“Don’t worry about me. Never worry about me. I’ll always be okay.”
She guides me back into bed and lifts the shoulder of my hospital gown back on my shoulder when it drops off. “You are so weak.”
“And frail. What, this doesn’t do it for you?” I ask, holding my arms out to the sides.
Her eyes smile, then she closes them, blinking away tears. “I thought I lost you. You have no idea what that feels like. You don’t get to tell me not to worry. I’ll do whatever I want.”
I scoot over and pat the spot next to me on the bed. Someone must have walked in the room and then right back out during the bathroom trip because my door is closed now. I bet Dad had a disbelieving smile when he watched Malena help me pee. He helped me bathe this morning, wheeling the chair into the large shower stall so I could shower and wash away the months of hospital etched into my skin. The water was hot, and I only needed help washing my hair.
Malena sits next to me, tucking her feet underneath her body.
“I’m sorry about that,” I whisper as she brings her head against my shoulder. “I’m so sorry about your mom, Malena. My sister told me.” Time has changed so many facets of everyone’s lives it’s hard to make out which way is up. To me, the gunfight feels like yesterday. I’ll be catching up on everything and everyone for months.
“Thanks. It’s been hard, but I have to believe she’s in a better place and she’s herself,” Malena says. “Everyone at Garden Breeze was amazing, by the way. They took a traumatic situation and made it seem less horrific.”
I swallow, the acidic taste in the back of my throat leaving a bit. “Thank God for small miracles,” I reply, trying to pull her closer.
“I’m going to start at the photos,” she says, sighing.
