That niggling fear makes me want to ask for Indy’s reassurance again.
But pride keeps my mouth shut. Because I don’t want to ruin this for Indy. And I don’t want him to think I’m not the strong woman he seems to think I am.
“Bea.” Indy comes up behind me and rests his hand on the small of my back. Then he kisses my cheek, his minty breath feathering across my skin. He glances at the mirror hung above the dresser, his gaze roving across both our reflections. Heat flares in his eyes. “I hope you’re not worrying about how you look. Because you look beautiful. Just so you know.”
I suppose it makes sense he’d think I’m worried about my appearance, given that I’ve been staring at myself in the mirror while Indy’s been waiting patiently for me. He doesn’t know that my mind is spinning with what-ifs and not wondering if my new cornflower-blue dress makes my boobs look bigger than normal.
It doesn’t. For the record. My A-cups look just the same as they always do. But the scooped neckline does show off the tiniest hint of cleavage, which I tried to emphasize with some carefully applied bronzer.
Or—
My gaze dips to my neckline.
Did I usetoomuch bronzer? Is ittooshimmery? Do I look like a little kid who snuck into my mom’s makeup and ended up looking like a clown instead of a princess?
Augh.
Where did confident—okay,mostlyconfident—Bea go?
Indy turns me away from the mirror so I’m facing him. His gaze shifts from admiring to carefully assessing. “Are you having second thoughts about this? If you are, we can call it off.”
“Call it off?” My eyebrows jump up. “Aren’t Hawk and Rhiannon on their way here already? I think it’s a bit late for that.”
“They would understand.” He catches my hand and laces his fingers between mine. “Rhi’s gone through some shit. She’ll understand if you’re not up for socializing.”
I snort at the ridiculousness of his statement. “Rhiannon was a Green Beret. One of the first female Green Berets ever, from what you said. And she works for B and A. She wouldn’t get freaked out over meeting a couple of new people.”
“Bea.” He leads me over to the bed and tugs me down so I’m sitting flush against him. “Just because Rhi’s Special Forces doesn’t mean she doesn’t get scared sometimes. Just like the rest of us.”
“It’s not that I’m scared, exactly.” Or is it? At Indy’s questioning look, I try to explain. “I want to meet them. Really. And I hate that I feel nervous about it. In my job, I meet new people every day. And I don’t worry about it for a second.”
“But this is different,” he replies. “Things aren’t normal. And it’s natural for you to feel uneasy about another change.” His mouth pinches. “Maybe I should have said no when Yara mentioned it. I should have thought?—”
Crap.
The last thing I want is for my insecurity to make Indy feel like he did something wrong.
“It’s fine.” I lift my shoulders and chin. I take a steadying breath and let it out slowly. “I’mfine. I want to meet Rhiannonand Hawk. Have a nice night with your friends. Forget I said anything about being nervous.”
Indy studies my face for a few seconds. “It’s okay to be nervous. I think you’ll enjoy yourself, but if you feel uncomfortable at all, just tell me. We can come back in here, watch some moreTop Chef, or a movie… whatever you want.”
As I look at Indy sitting beside me, so handsome in a slate-blue button-down that brings out the silver in his eyes, his beard freshly trimmed and his hair still in damp waves from the shower, my mind wanders off to other activities we could do in the bedroom, instead.
We’ve had some steamy make-out sessions over the last few days, but they haven’t ended anywhere close to sex. We’ll kiss in the sunroom after everyone else is asleep, or Indy will slip into my bedroom under the auspices of making sure I’m okay before bed, staying just long enough to kiss me silly before he heads off to sleep.
On the air mattress in the office.Notin my bed.
With the few men I’ve been with in the past, I always waited a long time before having sex with them. Weeks. Months, even. Though it wasn’t a conscious decision, I think I was always waiting for their inevitable rejection.
Or maybe I just knew, deep down, they weren’t right for me.
I know Indy could reject me, too. We haven’t gotten around to the wholewhat are weconversation, so I really have no idea if he even wants our relationship to get to that point.
He’s a guy, though. So I’d guess sex is always on the table?
But is that all I want? No-strings-attached sex?
Should I even be considering sex or a hypothetical relationship when there’s so much else to worry about?
