I appreciate Eden trying to put a positive spin on things. But she was there in those early days, when I complained about everything. When I was angry all the time. Depressed. Not sure if I even wanted the new life I’d been handed.
But it wasn’t just that, was it?
Every time I’d see Bea—twice a week for more than six months—I wished things could have been different.
That I wasn’t this ruined man with a stump instead of a hand.
That I was still the confident Special Forces operator who never had trouble attracting women.
That I was still the Indy I used to be—always active, always cracking jokes, never turning away from a challenge or a dare—instead of the new and very-much-not-improved Indy I’d become.
Bea would smile at me, and my heart would tug.
A piece of shiny blonde hair would fall from her ponytail, and my ghost-hand would itch to tuck it back behind her ear.
She’d laugh, and just for a moment, things would feel okay again.
Then I’d remember who I was.WhatI was. And I hated it. I hated that Bea had to see me that way when she was the first woman in a long time—maybe ever—that I actually wanted to date.
Not just hook up with. Date. Take her places and give her gifts. Introduce her to my friends. Find out if the magnetic pull I felt towards her might be reciprocated.
But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Not back then. So instead, I was grouchy. Snappish. All the nice things she did when she didn’t have to, like the food she’d bring in and the cap she gave me, and I never said thanks.
Looking back, I hate myself a little for it.
I don’t say all of that, though. Instead, I reply, “Maybe so. But I wasn’t the nicest to her. So it’s not a surprise she doesn’t want me around.”
“Indy.” Eden hugs me hard. “I don’t think it’s that. I think she’s upset. Confused.” Releasing me, she takes a step back and meets my gaze. “I’ll talk to her. If you think it’s best. But she knows you. And I still think that’s better than talking to a complete stranger.”
“Plus, you weren’tthatmuch of an asshole back then.” Rafe smirks. “I’m sure there were sometimes you acted halfway normal.”
“Thanks,” I mutter. Then I look back at the bedroom door again, debating.
Go in? Risk making Bea even more upset? Or send Eden in my place?
“I’ll go,” I tell them. “You’re right. She knows me. Even if she doesn’t like me much, she knows me.”
And before I can change my mind, I head towards the bedroom.
Just as I’m raising my hand to knock, Eden says, “Indy.”
I turn back to her. “What?”
My little sister gives me a kind smile. “I’m sure she likes you. It would be impossible not to.” Her lips twitch. “Even when youareacting like Windy Indy.”
I make a face at her, and she screws up her face right back at me.
Some of the tension inside me releases. “Thanks, Eeenie.”
She waves it off. “We’ll stay out here, just in case. But I think you’ll be just fine.”
Turning back to the door, I set my shoulders and take a deep breath. As I let it out, I knock three times and say, “Bea. It’s Indy. Can I come in?”
If she doesn’t answer, I’m going in, anyway.
But a few seconds later, she does. “Indy?”
“Yeah.” My heart thumps. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
