I close the door to my room behind me and rest my back against it before sinking to the ground and burying my cheesy grin into TJ’s jersey.
Chapter 29
TJ
I’m usually pretty jacked on gameday, and this afternoon is next level. The residual effect of my time with Lucy this morning has seeped into my bloodstream, making me feel like I’m electrically charged. I’m even more energized than usual.
I bounce on my toes on the sidelines as I wait for my number to be called, signaling for me to head into the game. We’re playing the team from Colorado. Our records are about the same so far this season, and we need this win to secure a first-round bye in the playoffs. We’re mid-way through the second quarter, and the score right now is a tie. Seven to seven.
I pivot and look at the stands, up toward the box I’m sharing with Poe for our families. I can’t see Lucy, but I know she’s here, somewhere, with my name on her back. To be fair, there’s a sea of people in the stadium with my name on their backs, but I don’t care about them. I’m grateful for their support, sure, but they don’t matter to me like Lucy does. I haven’t paid attention to anyone wearing my jersey in years. Not since Tess would come to my college games.
I wait for the guilt to come, but it doesn’t. Instead, as I close my eyes and blow out a breath to keep my adrenaline in check, I see a flash of Tess’s smiling face in my mind. A wave of peace spreads over me, not unlike what I felt at the Christmas tree farm. Loving Tess was a gift, and it’s as if now that I’ve owned that, spoken about her out loud and recognized how valuable the time I spent with her was to me, I can admit to myself that I don’t want to livethe rest of my life without striving for that type of connection again.
For a long time, I didn’t think anyone would measure up to Tess, so I didn’t even try. That, and I didn’t want to open myself up to the hurt. But by closing off my heart to the pain, I’ve also closed myself off to the joy.
Lucy makes me want to love again.
Even though she told me when we met that she didn’t want anything more from me, I can’t help but hope that she’s changing her mind. We’ve only talked about our feelings for each other in terms of a friendship, but if her reaction to me explaining how I’d write a kiss scene—which, let’s be real, was me describingexactlyhow I want to kiss her—was any indication, our relationship is trending in the direction from friends to more.
I’m excited and scared to see where we end up. There’s a very real possibility that Lucy could leave me. She’s dealing with a lot in the aftermath of the People’s Picks. Not to mention the fact that her family is in California, and my life is in Green Bay. We haven’t talked about how long she’s planning to stay in Wisconsin. We haven’t talked about anything, but I’d like to think she’d give me—give us—a chance. I’ve maintained for years that I’m fearless, when in reality I’ve been living in the fear of losing another loved one. I’m ready to hope again. I want to be brave. In honor of Tess. And because Lucy is worth it to me.
I blink and look up at my box, hoping to catch a glimpse of Lucy. This time, I’m rewarded when I spot her next to my grandparents. She’s wearing my jersey over her winter coat. She’s got her scarf wrapped around her mouth, like when we were at McGregor’s Tree Farm.
“Wilson, you’re up!” My running back coach slaps my shoulder pad, and I tune into the game. A couple of my teammates jog off the field, and I get the play call from my coach and run to the circle of my teammates gathered around Anton.
“You good, Teej?” Anton asks, his eyes on the cheat sheet wrapped around his wrist.
I nod. “I’m great.”
He calls out the play. The ball’s at midfield, and it’s third down and four to go. We’re in the perfect position to run this draw play. The defense will be off balance, unsure whether we’re passing or running the ball. Hopefully we can catch them on their heels. So far, I haven’t been able to break off a long run, but I’m itching to get the ball in my hands again. I feel like I could fly, so if I get an opening, I’m going to soar through it, channeling the boost in energy that’s in large part thanks to Lucy and making it count for the team.
If it impresses the girl I’m trying to impress, all the better.
Anton breaks the huddle, and I settle into my position, crouched about five yards behind where he’s standing under center. Del hikes the ball and Anton drops back, selling the throw like it’s his job. He’s the best in the business. In my periphery, I see that the safeties are dropping back because they think he’s about to pass the ball down field, but at the last minute, Anton drops out of his throwing stance and hands the ball to me.
I don’t hesitate. The offensive line has created a hole you could drive a truck through, and Poe is blocking his man, allowing me the space to get into open field. I let my body take over, driving my knees and sprinting like I always do, holding nothing back and leaving it all on the field behind me.
Fifty yards later, I’m in the endzone. I slam the ball into the ground and it spikes back upward. Someone grabs under my arms and hoists me up from behind. The crowd is absolutely feral, and the noise is deafening.
“Heckuva run, Teej.” Poe sets me down on the ground.
I spin and face him. “Will you pretend to be my Cinderella one more time?”
His eyes roll behind his face mask, but he obliges. We go through our little routine, which ends with me hoisting him off the ground and spinning him around.
“This is getting old,” he mutters, but he’s smiling.
“When are you going to make a move with your real Cinderella?” Anton joins us, and we tap each other’s helmets.
“Yeah, man. I’m ready to hand over the reins to Lucy,” Poe adds.
I grin and spin to face my box, where I see Rose has joined Lucy, my grandparents, and Poe’s family. His sister is here with her daughter. The three of us point up at our people. Anton blows Rose a kiss. Poe makes a heart with his hands. My heart wants to explode out of my chest because of how badly I want to dosomethingfor Lucy. Something to show her how much she’s coming to mean to me, but … baby steps. For now, all I do is wave in her direction. I let my gaze linger on her as she waves down at me.
I jog off the field with Anton and Poe.
“Soon,” I tell my teammates. “Hopefully very soon.”
Chapter 30
