If TJ can be brave enough to put himself out there to love again, couldn’t I at least see if we could make a go of a relationship?
I hold my breath, cheeks warm with a flush of desire, heart hammering, and palms clammy. My eyelids flutter as he gets nearer to me, but I blink them wide open when I feel him bend to the side.
He reaches into the box of ornaments at our feet, and I press my eyes closed, hoping he didn’t notice how I was leaning in. I take a second to collect my wits, but I don’t have nearly long enough before he stands back up with the angel for the top of the tree.
“This was the tree topper my parents got as a gift for their wedding. Gram always told me it was a good reminder of the way they were looking out for me from heaven. I haven’t gotten it outsince Tess passed.” He swallows, and my heart lurches toward him. I reach for his free hand, giving it a squeeze.
“It’s beautiful,” I tell him.
He stares at it for a second before blinking up at me. “You should do the honors, Lu.” His low voice bowls me over, and even though he didn’t kiss me, the way he’s looking at me right now makes me weak in the knees.
All of that romantic stuff can wait. Right now, it feels like I’m watching healing in tangible, personified form.
I hesitate. “Are you sure?”
He nods and squeezes my hand.
“He absolutely is,” his grandmother says as she joins us, tugging his grandfather in tow across the room. “He’ll even lift you up to give you a fighting chance at reaching that top branch. Go on, TJ.”
TJ shoots his grandmother a look I can’t decipher before clearing his throat and turning to me, indicating my hips. “May I?” he asks, an adorable blush creeping up his cheeks.
I nod, not trusting my voice. He wraps his arms around my upper legs and lifts me up into the air. I try my best to focus on the task of placing the angel, but I’m acutely aware of the closeness of TJ’s body to mine. This isn’t the first time he’s held me. I think back to the gala when he tossed me over his shoulder and brought me down from the scaffolding. Then my mind flits to earlier today at the tree farm. But this is the first time he’s holding me since admitting that he's allowing himself to be open to loving again.
I get the angel in place, and TJ slowly lowers me to the ground, letting his arms linger around my waist, making sure I have my balance.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
TJ’s grandpa dims the overhead lights, and all four of us stare at the glow of the tree.
“It’s perfect,” Loretta whispers, like she doesn’t want to raise her voice and risk disrupting the magical scene.
We stand in silence for a couple moments, each of us lost in our own thoughts as “Merry Christmas, Darling” plays over the speakers. The lyrics are all about wishing to be with someone on Christmas Eve. The song always makes me think of my dad, and then my mom, who I only know through the stories he told me. Tonight, after the rollercoaster day it’s been, I can’t help but be grateful for the people Idohave with me. Cassie and Philly and Bex. My stepmom and stepsisters. And here, TJ and his grandparents. My heart swells because I know what TJ means when he says he doesn’t want to stay stuck in his grief. Looking around, it’s plain to see I have much to be thankful for.
When the song ends, TJ’s grandpa flips the lights back on, and it’s like I’m waking from a dream. I feel rested and at peace, like somehow everything’s going to be okay.
TJ is watching me closely, and I offer him a small smile.
Loretta bustles about, cleaning up the mugs and the tissue paper remnants used to keep the ornaments safe in their box and ordering Martin around.
“Lu, dear. What are your plans for Christmas?” She pauses to look at me. “Are you headed home?”
I shake my head. “Not on Christmas. My family is filming an episode of their show, and we decided it would be better if I wasn’t there.”
Loretta frowns. “I don’t understand.”
I flick my gaze to TJ, and he shrugs. “Gram, Lu’s family is sort of famous, but she’s trying to stay out of the spotlight right now.”
He looks to me for my approval, and I send him a grateful nod.
Right now.That implies that I won’t be hidden away forever. How I want that to be true.The thought of putting myself back in the public eye makes me stomach flip uncomfortably, but I can’t stay hidden forever.
Maybe someday I’ll take back some ownership of my life … but not yet.
Loretta arches her brows in TJ’s direction, and Martin clears his throat. I look between the three of them, trying to decipher what I missed. “Everything okay?”
Loretta nods. “TJ has something to ask you about, so we’ll leave you to it. Thank you for tonight and for letting us share in this. It’s been lovely, but it’s getting late, and we should go.” She stops and hugs me.
Martin follows, kissing me on the cheek. “See you soon, I hope,” he says with a wink.
