“Petre!” I shouted, jolting her slightly in my grip. “You couldn’t even ask me for what you wanted. How was I supposed to assume you wanted anything more?”
I saw the knot bob in her throat, her lip twitching again. Like the words she was choking on, the words she was going to say before biting them back.
“When I greet you, it is like I cast some sort of shadow over your mood. How am I to guess what you want from me when I’m not even welcome in your dwelling?”
“I just ...” Her words trailed off.
“I don’t know what you’re used to, and you are under no obligation to tell me, but do not mistake me for whatever sad, limp pieces of flesh who have had you before.”
All she did was stare at the spot on the couch.
I grabbed her jaw, forcing her to look me in the eye. “Stop doing that to yourself. While I don’t think you’re ready, I also think letting you believe you are something disgusting would be a disservice to you.”
The way she looked at me then was something I would never forget. I’d never seen her look sohungry. Eating every word I spoke until she craved more when they stopped.
She was silent for a moment, but that was how I knew she was sober. I took in everything, from the feeling of her skin warming under my palm to the way her pupils grew large, in danger of sucking me into the deep-brown abyss that were her eyes.
“Do you believe me to be awake now?” She drew nearer. “Conscious enough?” She stood on her toes to close the distance. Slow enough that it felt like she may have been scared I’d run off. “Sober to your liking?”
Her lips just barely touched mine, inviting me without making the move herself. They were soft and pink like fresh marmalade, possibly tasting like it too. I had to know.
I kissed her gently, closing my eyes to fully feel it. My hand at her jaw smoothed over her cheek and to her head, letting my fingers weave through the fine silk.
Her gasp was so gentle, it made my heart hurt.
Her nightgown was silk, thin enough that I could feel the heat of her body on my palm, only making me hold tighter as if she would melt through my fingers.
I found myself picturing her body again, the way it was splayed out on the table. I couldn’t remember exactly where her beauty marks were, but I remembered they were favorably placed. The pattern of her birthmark was tawny, or was it more of an earthy soil? It only made me want to see her like that again. To take another look. Toremember. Just one more peek to hold me over.
She removed her lips from mine to trail them across my neck, gently sucking on my skin.
I closed my eyes and tilted my head, allowing it for now.
I needed her under me, on me, clinging to me. I wanted her nails to dig into my skin and pull out every organ. Her breasts pressing against my chest made me want to squeeze them, to grab her and crush her bones in my grasp.
“Stop,” I gasped, not sure if I was willing to create distance.
She kept kissing, nipping gently, and I didn’t let her go.
“Stop . . .”
She bit my shoulder with her teeth this time.
“Petre!” I grabbed her hair and tugged her head back, tears in her eyes and a smirk on the corner of her lips. Then her soft lips curled into a cruel smile.
“Why is it so hard for you to accept me?” she asked with playful humor in her tone, but behind it was a sharp simmering of rejection.
“I’m afraid.” I took a deep breath to control myself. “Of hurting you.”
“Why?” She raised a brow. “Do you think about hurting me often, Arkady?”
I let out a shaky breath, though it may have been a slight tremor from my body and the dopamine that question prompted.
Against her lips, I whispered, “All thegodforsakentime.”
“I don’t believe you,” she said, a daring sharpness to her words. “Be rough with me. I am not a porcelain plate, I won’t break.”
“You’re not ready.”
