Plus, I wouldn’t even know what to do with him if I got him.
How often would I have to walk him? What do you feed abs like that?
I reach down to grab some more gum out of my backpack as Professor Tate speaks to the class because the piece I’m chewing is losing its flavor. It occurs to me that it may be because I’ve been chewing to the beat of my pulse since Oliver walked in. But before I can laugh about it, Cece taps my back a hundred times in a row.
“What?” I hiss, straining my neck to try to look at her.
Her eyes are as wide as saucers, and somehow, internally, I know why, but the words that were just said in the background take a minute to reach my brain.
“Rory?” Tate says again.
Oh, that’s my name ... Why did he call my name ...
Oh god. My head shoots up, all my hair falling around my face like I’m the girl fromThe Grudge. I blow before brushing it away with my hand as my words fall out. The wrong words.
“What? Why? Uh ... no. Huh?”
Cece laughs, her face immediately turned down to her lap. I can feel my cheeks reddening.
“Sorry ...” I point to myself. “Did you call me?”
Professor Tate nods his head while crossing his arms. “Yes, Rory, I called on you. Please come up and pair with Oliver for this scene ...”
I’ve heard of people leaving their body in times of stress. But I’m so present that all I can do is wish to experience it.
Cece poke-pushes her fingers into my side, making my body cave and twist awkwardly. But still I don’t get up, I just keep staring at Professor Tate, blinking too fast while trying to swallow because my mouth is suddenly dry.
Oliver’s smiling at me, a look of confusion on his face.
He looks to Tate, then back to me. “If she doesn’t want to, I could do a monologue ...”
This time a hard jab of Cece’s finger makes me jump to my feet and yelp, “Okay ...”
It’s in reference to the pain inflicted by my former best friend, not my agreement, but either way I’m embarrassed as Oliver raises his brows with a chuckle.
This couldn’t get any worse. There’s nothing that would make the humiliation I am feeling better, because after the way I’ve been acting, I think I’m what this class of guys is to me, to Oliver. As I think it, I lower my head, realizing I’m wearing pajama pants, but not just any pj pants.
“Oh god ...” I whisper to myself while scratching my forehead.
I’m wearing oversize black plaid pants that sayHappy Valentine’s Day... except all the letters are worn off, so they just sayHappy V D.
Why is this happening to me?I thought we were friends, universe ...This isn’t being a girl’s girl. I’ve already been betrayed by Cece, butet tu, Brute?
“Go wield your sex,” Cece snarks, so I kick backward, fairly indiscreetly, hoping to connect with her shin before I start toward the professor andOliver ...dreamy Oliver.
Each step feels like one closer to the edge of a cliff, so I keep my eyes on anything other than him ... until Tate says, “Oh, and go ahead and grab Cece’s script ... I’ll choose another for them.”
Oh god. What? What! Whatttttt.
I don’t turn around. I just stand there shaking my head as Cece shoves her paper into my hand. Truth is, I don’t think I can feel my fingers.
Yeah, no. I think my body’s shutting down.Good job, internal organs. You guys know that the only way out of this situation is death.
I respect it.
As if I’ve lost my mind, I close my eyes for just a second, hoping to pass out, but nothing happens.
“After you?” Oliver offers, making me smile and kind of squint my eyes because, Jesus, I can’t even look at him. It’s like staring directly into the sun.
