“Not judging,” she says, still rocking, still smiling. “I get it.”
“It’s been a weird fucking week,” I say, then look at baby Harper, panicked. “Shit, sorry! Fu—”
“Firstly, she’s an infant, so youcanswear around her. Secondly, need I remind you that Levi’s first word combination was mother and fucker, thanks to your brother, so I think we’rejustfine here.” Sef lifts the baby blanket, wipes milk from Harper’s mouth with its corner, tucks her back in, and then looks toward me with a knowing gaze. “Nik told me what happened at the brewery last week.”
I push off the floor with both feet, rocking my chair backward. “Yeah?” I don’t know what else to say.
“He worries about you, Milo. He worries about both of you.”
I look up to that big, orange-turning tree as a gust of wind passes through it. “I know.” I lick my lips before letting out a long, long breath. “But he’s got enough to worry about,” I say, my eyes held on Harper’s foot. “He needs to let it go.”
“I think he’s trying to,” she says solemnly. “We’ve been fighting about it, actually.”
“Please,” I dismiss. “You two don’t fight.”
“Oh, wedo.Have youmetyour brother? He is the most stubborn-headed man imaginable, and I have quite the temper on me.” She smirks, her eyes turning to crescent moons.
I let out a soft, distracted laugh.
“Milo, I’ve been your sister for fifteen years now and I like to think that you and I have always understood each other.”
I nod fervently. “Of course, Sef. I’m sorry if—”
“No, I’m not trying to guilt-trip you. I just want to say all of thatbeforethis next part. I love you and I understand you, to some degree….” Her lips briefly twitch into a frown, before theysmile once more. “But Nik needs closure, Mi. He’s tried to do it on his own. He’s done a fuck ton of therapy, he’s journaled,hell,he’s even tried some weird herbal shit that my loon of a mother recommended to him.”
She pauses to shush Harper, who’d begun to fuss, and helps her latch once more. “But heneedsyou now. He needs to talk to the only other people who have lived through what he did. Because he’s got everything he wanted and he’sstillso full of regret and shame and pain and—” Sef sniffs as one tear falls down her face, then another. “Sorry. Fucking hormones.”
“Yeah, me too,” I joke, wiping a tear of my own with the side of my thumb.
Sef laughs, then swallows thickly as tears continue to slowly stream down her face. “It was me who called in the one-one-nine, Milo. I used mine.”
“What?”
“Nik gave me one too, as a wedding gift. And I used mine, to force him to use his.”
“But you…” I blink rapidly, looking between her and the driveway. “Why?”
“I needed you and Nads. I needed you here. I need you to love on your brother. I need you all tofinallytalk. Because I need my husband and the kids need their father present with us, not stuck in the past.”
My tongue runs along my front teeth, holding behind my lips as more tears break free. “Fuck, Sef, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’teverapologize to me.” She hits me with a withering, motherly stare. “I’m just glad you came.” She reaches out briefly, placing her hand on the sleeve of my sweater and squeezing just once. “I missed you, kid. And I don’t want to lose you again.”
“I missed you too.” I did. I missed her. I missed Nik. I missed Nadia. I missed it so much I tried not to name it, not to think ofit for so long. Because I knew, deep down, what I’d have to face to reallyhavethem back in my life. I knew I’d not be strong enough to say goodbye twice. “I missed you all so much,” I say, holding back more tears as my eyes begin to burn. “Jesus, I’ve been—”
“No,” she interrupts, shaking her head softly as she continues to rock in her chair. “No more regrets. No more sorries. You’re here now.”
“I can’t promise I’ll be much help.” I breathe out, falling back into my chair. “But I can try.”
“Well, why don’t you start the way most emotionally unavailable men would,” Sef says, leaning back into her chair as well. We both stare at the driveway, the wind blowing the early fallen leaves across the grass. “Ask him to grab a beer with you.” She turns to look at me, just as I turn to her, taking in her mischievous smile. “And, thankfully, I know just the place.”
After I showered, changed, and grabbed a quick breakfast, I left the house and headed to the brewery. I got to work in the front of the store, stocking the fridges with cans as Nik and Aleks worked together to install their keg system. Eventually, they got it working, so I emptied the last crate and worked up the courage to ask Nik to grab a drink with me when they finished up. He eagerly agreed.
“So, do we have to pay? Or…?” I ask as Nik grabs us two cans of beer from the storefront’s fridge.
He places a can onto the counter in front of me before falling onto the stool next to mine with a grunt. The sleeves of his flannel shirt are rolled up to his elbows, revealing the large tattoo he has across his right forearm.Sefina,in a bold script font.
“Still just the one?” I say, pointing to his arm.
