“So say it. Say it out loud. Be honest with yourselfandme.”
I take a deep breath in, straightening my shoulders. Still, my voice comes out soft and timid. “I love Bo.”
“Even if he’s in love with someone else?”
“Yes,” I say, pathetic as it may be.
“Even if he’s not ready to love you back the same?”
I nod, staring up at the ceiling as I place my hands on my neck. “But isn’t thatbeyondstupid?”
“Loveisstupid, Win,” she says softly. “So what are you going to do about it?”
I crumple into myself with a pathetic whine. “Do youreallythink he looks at me like that? You’d truly bet—”
“I do, Win. I do, and I love it so much.” Sarah reaches out, untangling my arms folded tight against my chest. She grips both of my hands and holds them. “You deserve this!” she says, shaking me a little until I smile for her, as forced as it may feel. “And I know this is also apregnantthing, but you’re glowing. You seem so much lighter. When you two stepped in here together, it wasn’t like it was a few months ago. Then, it was like two people with chemistry and a sexy secret. Now, you look like the real deal.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper, crinkling my nose as we hold eye contact lightly.
“I know,” Sarah says, brushing her thumb over the back of my hand. “But I think if you ask him, he’ll be gentle with your heart.”
I nod, inhaling deeply.
“I also think you’re not that girl with the silver platter anymore. You’ve grown past that version of yourself. And I think assholes like Jack would take anyone as kind as you and try to twist them into something ugly. That’s what people like him do. It isn’t your fault you tried to see the best in him. Or that you didn’t want to be alone. You’ve gotta forgive yourself for that.”
I roll my eyes up, feeling a tear slip out. “Fucking hell,” I whimper, half laughing.
“Too much?” Sarah asks, laughing softly at me.
I shake my head, lifting off the couch and throwing my arms around her shoulders. “I love you,” I say.
“I love you,” she repeats back to me. “And that’s nevergoing to change.”
When I sit again, neither of us moves or speaks. We just let the moment linger, encouraging smiles reflected back at one another. “I’m gonna try,” I say, sniffling. “I’m not sure when, because doing it sober will be a challenge and a half. But I’m going to tell him how I feel. Eventually. Soon, if I can.”
“And I’ll be there to say I told you so when that man tries to get you knocked up all over again.”
I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but grin, all the while imagining what could be. Thebest-case scenario, for once.
The version of life where Bo and I walk hand in hand into something new for us both. Slow, assured, and delicate with one another. Where maybe wewoulddo this on purpose. Maybe afewtimes—if we’re any good at the parenting side of things.
And I can see it, clear as any memory. We’d build our kid a treehouse in the spring and drink wine on unhurried summer evenings on the back porch. Our limbs intertwined as we sit on a swinging bench, watching them play. A life where we’d make love as many times as we find each other with teeth and force and passion. Years and years spent still getting to know one another, unlearning and relearning each other as the decades go by. Uncovering the intricate layers and deepest spots until every darkened corner is found. The mess and the chaos and the beauty of a life well lived—a life shared.
I’d like it very much.
So much it scares me even more.
But not enough to not try.
“Maybe you could tell Bo how you feel on his birthday? Tie a bow around your tits and let him unwrap you. You must bedyingto fog up those glasses of his.”And she’s back.
“I need your help with that, actually.” Sarah gapes. “No,” I say sharply, silencing her. “Notthat.A party. I’m going to ask Bo’s dad to keep him busy during the day so I can set up and have a few of Bo’s friends over. He deserves something to celebrate him. Will you help me?”
“Obviously! Bo’s one of us now. I can’t be caught slacking on a birthday.”
I smile up at her before looking around the room absently, then to the door on a steadying inhale. “Should we get back out there?”
“Nah, let them miss us.” She smiles mischievously. “Oh, I forgot in all the chaos… Did you want to take a bath while you’re here? I picked up your favourite stuff, just in case.”
