“Oh,” I stutter, reaching for my water to take a sip. “I guess, uh, life justhappenedinstead.”
Bo waits for me to go on, gently holding eye contact. I start to feel a tightness in my chest, spreading up my throat. But this is what we’re here to do, right? Get to know each other? I’ll give him the condensed version. He doesn’t need to knoweverything.
“There was this guy… Jack.”
“Hate him already,” Bo says, one corner of his mouth raising.
“Yeah, well, good instincts.” I laugh nervously. “We met in my second-year biology course. He was doing an undergrad in kinesiology. We seemed to have a lot in common, shared a lot of the same friend group, the usual stuff. Eventually, after a few too many beers around a campfire one night, we sort of fell into dating. We finished school together, but he decided to go for his master’s degree.”
I shuffle in my seat, looking everywhereexceptat Bo’s face. “He asked me to move in with him, and I said yes. Our relationship up until then was mostly fine. But there were definitely some red flags I was choosing to ignore. Anyway… he was going to be a student full time again, and someone had to pay the rent. So I got an office job to get us by and sort of wasted those two years after graduation paying his way. Stupidly, I thought we were a team and that it’d be my turn to go after what I wanted next but… well, you know. When things ended, I moved back here, pretty desperate to get away from it all. I had to start fresh and couldn’t really afford to dream bigger than the café and lifeguarding in the summers. Then time sort of moved on… but Ididn’t, I guess.”
“He sounds like a jerk, Win. I’m sorry.”
“Long time ago now,” I say, shrugging.
There’s a lingering silence. I resist the urge to look back toward him as much as I can, feeling his eyes burning into me. After what feels likefartoo long, I decide to give in, mostly to set him at ease with a smile. But when I do eventually turn toward him, I don’t smile. Ican’t.
Not when Bo’s looking at me like he heard far more than I was willing to say. Like he’s seeing every invisible scar I’ve tried to cover up.
“He wasn’t nice to you.” He states it like fact. Simple. Sad.True.
I shake my headno. Just subtle enough that a part of me can pretend I didn’t answer him at all.
Bo’s jaw works, his eyes falling briefly before he shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
I inhale a shaky breath, biting the inside of my cheek. “Like I said, it was a long time ago.”
He nods, then scratches the side of his nose with a bent knuckle.
Change the subject, everything inside of me shouts.
“Did, uh, did you go to university?”
Bo licks his lips, nodding, his usual lightness missing. “Yeah, Waterloo for Accounting and Financial Management.”
“Sounds like a party,” I tease. He rolls his eyes playfully, though his smile is still absent. It seems his thoughts are held elsewhere. I wonder… if maybe… they’re held onher.“Did you have a Jack too?” I ask.
Bo breathes into his hand as he wipes his mouth. “How much has Caleb told you?” he asks, eyeing me like he’s got my number.
I tsk, hissing in through my teeth. “Busted,” I say quietly through a nervous, soundless laugh. “Caleb hasn’t said much, though.” Nothing helpful, at least. “I don’t think he and Cora are particularly close.”
“Listen, things were complicated with Cora. I don’t want to imply that—”
“You should probably know that Sarah and I refer to her as the spawn of Satan,” I interrupt. “Frequently and in front of Caleb. She’s been nothing but nasty to Sarah. So if you’re trying to be diplomatic for my sake, don’t bother.”
“You shouldn’t call her that,” Bo says gently, leaning forward in his seat, his hands clasped between his knees, wringing. “I mean… sorry. You can call her whatever you want. I just…” His voice trails off.
I feel a twinge of guilt and unease pull my lips askew. “Sorry,” I offer simply. So he’snotover his ex, then. The sudden pang of sadness thrumming around my chest is unexpected. It’s not jealousy, I don’t think. Or at least, not entirely. It’s more complicated than that. It’s wondering if during one of the more meaningful sexual experiences of my life, certainly the most pleasurable, my partner was thinking of someone else.Wishingfor someone else. If I was just… there. Available. Overly willing, throwing myself at him until he gave in. It’s the crushing weight of questioning whether he wishes I was her. Them having a baby. Them sharing a home. It makes me feel like a trespasser. Inferior.
“I shouldn’t have called her that.Weshouldn’t call her that. You’re right.”
I can tell Bo’s choosing his words carefully as he sets his emptied mug down on the coffee table. “It shouldn’t upset me. It wasn’t exactly a goodrelationship. She, uh, Cora… things between us were not great.”
Things are already awkward; I may as well get some answers. “Calebdidmention that you two were engaged.” The moment I say it, Bo’s hands are all over his face—anxiously rubbing at his chin and cheeks and forehead.
“Yeah,” he says, his nose scrunching up. “Technically, yes.”
“Technically?” I ask when he looks up at me.
