She’s been on top for a while now, and I suspect it should be my turn to roll us and take control, but my bones have all melted. That’s her fault. I blame her.
“Clara…” she whispers my name into my neck, her hand grabbing hold of my waist. “Can I go down on you?”
“If… if you’d like,” I stutter, going mindless yet again under her intoxicating pull of the top of my breast between her teeth mixed with the tips of her hair tickling me all over my chest.
She raises to look at me, a question and smirk in her expression. “It’s definitely more about whether you’d like me to.” She kisses me just once and I groan as she moves away. “Would you like me to?” she asks, chest heaving.
I squint, unsure of whether each confession of inexperience makes me seem less desirable to her. “No one’s ever done that before,” I whisper.
“Nobody?” She leans in and kisses me from my ear to jaw to mouth as I shake my head. “Because you said no?” she asks.
“Because they never asked.”
“I’m asking,” she says, voice more breath than words, and sits up to gauge my reaction.
“Okay.” I giggle, which should feel embarrassing—but I think Evan’s too busy relishing in my answer to care—her eyes suddenly hooded and blazen. “What do I do?” I ask.
“Nothing. Um, well, tell me what feels good. If something doesn’t, correct me.”
I swallow. “Okay.”
“Can I take this off first?” She palms my bra, pinching my nipple through the thin fabric.
“Only if I can take yours off too.” I reach up and pull the straps into two hands, toying with them.
I lift, allowing her to help me slide mine off over my head as I unclasp hers. Her bra falls forward and she slips her arms out, tossing it off the bed. I grab a hold of her neck and bring her back down to me, pressing her body against mine. The feeling of skin on skin. Breast touching breast is so exhilarating that my body begins writhing against her—seeking out friction between my legs.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I also don’t know how I’d identify myself at this point. But Idoknow that there isn’t a label, self-realisation, or epiphanythat matters as much as how good this feels. If I had to pinpoint it—if I was asked at this exact moment—I’d say my sexuality is the corner of Evan’s lips. It’s the gasps she makes that acts as a wind storm in my chest. It’s the space between her fingers where I fit better than anywhere else. It’s all instinct here. Intuition. And I’ve been waiting my whole life for this rush. So, I’m not questioning it any more.
Evan begins lowering herself down my body. First giving attention to my tits, sucking my nipples into her mouth and rolling them over with her tongue. I clasp so tightly onto her hair that I worry I’m hurting her. But that’s when she bites, making me squeal. So I tug harder.
My hips begin raising off the bed, like they have a mind of their own and are begging to be let in on the action. The action being her mouth. Her fucking mouth! How does she kiss like this? How does she—
“Woah.” I grab onto her shoulder as she swipes her tongue just below my navel and bites down on the band of my panties.
“Still yes?” she asks, fabric still between her teeth.
“Oh my god, yes.” I laugh, breathless and needy.
She hooks her tongue under the seam of my underwear and kisses sweetly from hip to hip—mimicking the sensation against my collar bones that drove me crazy. If that was enough for me to lose all sense of control before then I think I’ve elevated to a new level of wanting.
I use two thumbs to slide my underwear down, lifting off the bed as Evan positions herself between my knees, kissing each one tenderly.
I allow myself a moment of utter gratitude, realising how easy this feels. Sex before felt like having to perform in front of an audience and panel of judges. Sex with Evan feels like I’ve known all the steps all along, like a memory sketched into my bone marrow, for only us. Our sacred ritual. Our holy land.
I lay back down, letting my head find a comfortable position on her fluffy fur pillow as Evan pulls my underwear past my ankles. Taking the arch of my foot in her hand, she follows the line of my calf muscle up, nibbling and licking my flesh along the way.
I almost tell her that I can’t wait anymore when she lines herself up with my centre and looks up at me one last time for permission through dark lashes.
I nod maniacally. Evan grins like the devil herself, blows out a long breath, then lowers her mouth onto me.
“Oh god…” Slips off my tongue instantly. She hums against me, a happy, approving sound. I hiss on an inhale as she pulls my clit into her mouth. Horror washes over me, my wide-opened eyes staring up at the ceiling that whirls in and out of focus. It’s been less than ten seconds and I’m about to explode. Heat pooling in my belly and pressure in my spine like a rapidly fraying knot tied to an anvil.
“Wait…” I breathe out, too quiet for her to hear. Mostly because my thighs are acting as earmuffs.
“Woah." I inhale sharply, twisting against her. She pins my hips down, curling her arm around my thighs and pressing me into the mattress with a hold on my hip. That's when she lifts her shoulder off the bed and pushes her finger inside me, curling it in acome heremotion that sets the world on fire.
“Fuck!” I shout out.Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.“Evan! Yes!” I cry out, shaking and gasping while my soul tries to leave my body behind. She's relentless, tapping a spot I hadn't known existed and will definitely make her find again, and watching me fall apart with careful eyes and pouty lips from between my legs.
