I’m so fortunate to have found a partner in Warren. I like to think that without all these straining circumstances we would have still found one another—call it kismet, soulmates, fate, whatever. But I wouldn’t take back a single hard day. I wouldn’t trade all those lonely nights if it meant I didn’t get to be right here, right now, in his arms.
Warren and I might not have a single clue what we’re doing, but we have each other to carry some of the heavy load.
“Can’t sleep?” Warren asks, brushing his calloused palm in circles across my shoulders.
“Thinking about how lucky I am.” I tilt up to see his face, resting my chin on his chest. “How much I love you.”
Warren chews his cheek, deep in thoughts of his own. “Can I ask you something?” he says as I lower my ear back to his chest, listening to my all-time favourite sound.
“Of course.”
“Do you ever have an aching sense of dread when you feel this happy?” He laughs softly, without joy.
I lift my chin to see him again, studying his weary expression as he continues, “It’s just… whenever I feel like I do right now—content—I think… it’s as if my brain tries to tell me to expect the worst. To brace for shit to hit the fan.”
I sigh, nodding. “Sometimes, yeah. I think that’s normal, considering how much you’ve had taken away from you.”
“Maybe…” He turns his face away.
I shift off him and sit cross-legged next to his hip. I pause, choosing my next words carefully. “Whatever comes, we’ll deal with it together.”
Warren blows out a gust of air that trills his lips. An uneasiness washes over him that I recognise well as doubt. “What if—”
“Anything… together.” I try to ease his worries before he can truly name them.
He nods, looking through me, not at me. “It’s really fucking scary, Chloe.”
I exhale, then lick my lips. “It is.”
“It’s like… I can’t imagine my life without you, so I don’t want to. But then it’s worse to not think about it, because then it’s like I won’t be prepared to rebuild.”
“You don’t need to be prepared.” I rub his chest, and he places his hand on top of mine.
“I’d fight for this, dove… You know that, right?”
“I do.”
“To the ends of the earth,” he says, voice determined.
“That would make a great band name…” I’m rewarded with a slight grin on his face. I bring his hand to my lips and press a soft kiss to him. “I would too.” He nods absentmindedly. “You okay? Is there something else that’s bothering you?”
“I’m worried about Luke.” Warren’s swallow is audible.
“I know… me too,” I say.
“I talked to Rachel earlier about maybe getting him some counselling, but she seems to think he’s acting like your average angsty almost-sixteen-year-old. And it’s a long waitlist.”
“She could be right. I mean, he’s never been safe enough anywhere else to act out.”
“Right. But I thought I’d have more time with him. To hang out, do shit together, be… brothers. He’s totally uninterested.” Warren tugs his hand away and wipes it across his jaw.
“There’s still time. He’s adjusting. We all are. Maybe for his birthday the two of you could do something special.”
Warren nods hesitantly, and I lie down, curling back into him. He strokes my hair for a few silent minutes while my thoughts hold on Luke, worrying that the more he pulls away, the guiltier I’ll feel for occupying his brother’s time. I want to assure Warren it will be okay, and I hate not really knowing.
I shift positions so we can see each other’s faces in the dim light. The gears in his brain are almost visibly turning.
Warren clears his throat. “After Willow’s custody hearing… will you be changing her last name?” He bites down on his bottom lip as it curves upwards on one side.
