“Hi Calvin, this is Chloe, baby girl’s older sister, and I’m Odette from CPS.”
Something beeps, and I turn to look at the monitors, trying to decipher what any of it means.
“Good to meet you both.” Calvin steps beside me and points towards the window. “The top line is her heart rate, the middle is her oxygenation level, the last is the feeding tube’s input.”
I nod. The other screen is a baby monitor, a live-feed of my sister.My sister.
“If you have any questions, don’t hesitate. It can be really overwhelming. There are a lot of beeps and alarms and wires, but it all looks far worse than it actually is.”
I smile at him through the fog of my overstimulation. He has clearly given this speech thousands of times, but I do find myself settling at the sight ahead of me. I can barely make out the shape of a baby under each wire, bandage, and wrap.
“Let’s go inside.” Odette reaches for the glass sliding door.
“What’s her name?” I blurt.
Odette doesn’t slow as she opens the door and guides me in with a steady hand on the small of my back. “No name yet.”
I walk over and look down at the incubator. Her tiny body is nearly transparent. She has a monitor on her right foot, which is sticking out from under a blanket.
“I love her little toes. Oh my goodness,” Odette coos from behind me.
I agree, but fail to speak or move closer. I didn’t know humans could be so small. I feel worried just looking at her.
An alarm sounds, and Calvin comes inside.
“Looks like someone is a little overexcited to meet her sister.” He opens the incubator and turns her, rubbing her back with what seems like far too aggressive a motion. I look at the screens; the top line is flashing in rhythm with the blaring alarm.
Another nurse pops her head in as the monitor continues sounding. “Hey folks, would you mind stepping outside for a minute?” She looks at me before continuing, “Might be a good time to get you a visitor’s badge? Baby girl just needs some extra help right now.” She glances at the monitor and then back at us. “And we need to get more staff in here.” She ushers us out the door quickly, and I crane my neck to look back towards Calvin.
The nurse leads us to the opposite side of the hall, where she has a standing desk on wheels.
“She’s going to be okay, right?” I ask as three medical staff walk past us, pushing a cart in front of them.
“She’s been putting up an amazing fight so far. Her heart is proving more challenging than we had originally hoped, but she’s strong and is doing great otherwise.” She shuffles around, trying to catch my eyes as I glance around the hallway. “Hey… she has a great team in there. She’s in good hands.”
I nod, but my heart is beating so loud it competes with the quickened rhythm of the beeping monitor inside the room.
“You’re big sister, right?” the nurse asks me.
“Yeah.” I think I answer, but I can’t be sure.
“Wonderful… and you’ll be attempting next-of-kin care adoption?”
“Yes.”I’m guessing what she’s saying for the most part, since I can barely hear. My adoptive parents called it “selective hearing” growing up, but I can’t help it. When I’m anxious, it’s like I’ve put earmuffs on, and voices all seem to dim.
“Good for you. In that case, there is some paperwork I need you to fill out. Starting with family medical history, stuff like that.”
Odette reaches for my hand and wraps both of her hands around it. “We can do our best, but we don’t have a lot of background history of mom’s side of the family, and none of the father’s.”
The nurse grimaces. “Right, well. Okay.” She hands a file folder to Odette.
I notice the monitor is no longer ringing and turn to see all the staff except Calvin leave the room. Calvin waves for us to come back in, and a huff of breath escapes me as my body springs towards the door.
“All right! So!” Calvin claps his hands once. He stands straight but relaxed—confident yet approachable. “Baby Girl was taking the new medication well—a little too well. We have adjusted, and now we should be able to avoid any more tachycardic episodes. No need to worry. She’s a tough little one.”
I let my shoulders fall back—they’re a lot heavier than they were this morning.
“Otherwise, she’s doing fantastic. Not a single thing to note other than needing to catch up on some lung development and weight gain, which is normal for preemies.”
