-J
Jude,
It sounds like you’ve got yourself a date.
-V
Veronica,
You broke the question chain.
-J
Jude,
I’m so sorry?
-V
P.S. Perhaps texting would be easier than this? My number is 312-555-0166?
Chapter Seven
Veronica
So, wait. You’re going on a date with this guy you trolled on Zoom and who hired you to troll him officially?” Jordan glances at me before throwing a handful of peanuts in their mouth, speaking around them. “Like, you’re dating your boss?”
I frown. “I don’t think he’s technically my boss? We’re colleagues. I’m a contractor.” Jordan looks dubious, so I wave this off, saying, “Whatever. I don’t think the normal workplace rules apply here.”
Clara nods because she approves of even the most inappropriate dating situations. She once suggested I ask my dentist out the next time he had his hands in my mouth. Another time she took Dani to get a picture with Mall Santa, and later insisted he was hot beneath the fake beard, and I should go back and hit him up.
“But you’ve never seen his actual face?” Jordan asks.
“Nope. We just email. It feels very early 2000s. I’m picturing Tom Hanks.”
“You haven’t stalked his socials?” Clara asks.
“They’re private.”
“Sorequest?” Jordan’s tone is the same one they use with their mother when she forgets how to text a photo from her iPhone. “Is this your first life?”
“He has thirty-four followers on Instagram,” I say, “and to me that says he only connects with very close friends and family. We went from snark to hard-nosed negotiations to professional talk to flirting. It feels weird to requestnow, like he’ll know I’m literally only there to see what he looks like.”
“What if he’s ugly?” Jordan asks.
“Jordy!” I say, laughing. “Am I that shallow a beast?”
“Yes,” Clara and Jordan shout in unison, and I press my hand to my chest, offended.
Jordan lifts a hand. “Remember that time you didn’t accept a second date because you thought the guy parted his hair weird?”
“You guys, hedid. It was like a seventies comb-over, but he had plenty of hair, so why? Also, his LinkedIn profile picture was a Minion. Come on.” I pause. “Wait. Was that a way of hinting that he was bald and his hair was a wig? Oh my God. I wish I’d have looked closer, but I was so distracted by him orderingexpresso after dinner.”
“I love a bald man.” Jordy sighs.
“I know you do.”
“Ronnie,” Clara says, leaning forward, “what about the time you didn’t call a guy back because of his pizza order?”
