“Game’s gonna take a while if you don’t roll the dice,” she said quietly.
I closed my eyes. I was tired. I usually got too sleepy to stay awake around now, but…
“You’re not drinking tonight,” she noted.
“No,” I said. “Figured it was time to stop.”
“That’s a good thing. It never helped me, really.”
I took a deep breath.
“Molly thinks I’m trying to kill myself,” I said.
There was a long silence.
“What do you think?” she said gently.
“I…” I rolled the dice around in my palm, listening to them click. “If I was insane…would I know it?”
“When I talked to counselors,” she said, “they would usually say that words likesaneandinsaneweren’t very useful.”
I put the dice down. Harder than I had to.
“Let’s review,” she said. “You went out with insufficient precautions against ghouls, failed to use your magic against them when the balloon went up, and then tried to start a fistfight with another ghoul at an Accorded event while under guest-right, delivering what could have been a deadly insult to your host. At a time when everyone is a little paranoid about upholding the old laws because the last one to break them started a fight that might have exposed the supernatural world to mortals.”
“Did expose them,” I said quietly. “At least in town. And in the smart circles.”
“Stop deflecting,” she said. “Is that what you did?”
I counted through my Monopoly money slowly. “Yes,” I said. “I did that.”
“If it wasn’t you,” she said, “if it was just some random other wizard behaving that way, what would you think about it?”
“I’d think he was insane,” I said. “That he was trying to die.”
She blew out a slow breath. And just let me sit with that.
“Maybe I deserve it,” I said.
“Maybe you aren’t the one to decide such things,” she replied.
I didn’t answer.
“You look tired,” she said.
“Stars and stones,” I said. “I’m so tired. I’ve been so tired for so long.”
“Harry. You know I enjoy this,” she said. “This time together.”
I nodded.
Her voice turned quiet and very, very gentle. “And you know it isn’t good for you. Night after night.”
I ached. And I just wanted to slide out of my chair and fall over and quit.
“It’s what I have,” I said.
Her tone firmed up. “Bullshit,” she said.
