It had been a silent drive. Molly made a convincing Arwen, especially since she had glamoured herself to look exactly like Liv Tyler in the role.
“I’m worried about you,” she said finally, as we pulled into the long drive and began to cruise slowly up it, stopping at the rear of a line of cars similar to ours.
“Oh?” I said mildly.
“You got lucky against those ghouls,” she said. “Very lucky. Your magic failed you, didn’t it?”
“You already know that, or you wouldn’t have asked.”
She exhaled through her nose. “Why?”
I shook my head. “I just…misfired. I don’t know.”
“It’s because of Karrin,” she said quietly.
I gave her side-eye and remained silent.
“She died at the hands of that goddamned bottom-feeder, Rudolph,” she said, her voice steady and cool. “And somewhere deep inside, you think you deserve to go out the same way.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I said.
“Ghouls are bottom-feeders,” she said. “And at one point, someone taught me that magic only works if you think it could and should happen. Somewhere deep down, you thought you had it coming. From the bottom-feeders in our world. Just like her.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I said.
“You’re going to have to let her go,” she said gently.
I didn’t answer her.
“Harry,” she said gently. “You know I’m right.”
Anger and pain flicked through my chest as if she’d hit me with a whip. “So you know what I’m thinking better than I do,” I said, voice hard. “You poking around in my head again?”
“Goddammit,” she said and turned away. Not before I saw the tears forming.
I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. I’d been practicing that a lot the past few months. I felt my thoughts slow down, peel away from the pain.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “That was a low blow. It won’t happen again.”
She didn’t look back at me.
But she took my hand and squeezed tightly.
I squeezed back. After a moment, I said, “I don’t know what to do about it.”
“You have to talk about it,” she said. “That’s the start.”
“To you?”
“To someone,” she said. “Anyone. Maybe Dad.”
I closed my eyes. “That night…she wasn’t the only one who died. I did, too. Hundreds of times.”
That earned me her gaze and a gentle frown.
“If I sleep too long, it happens to me again. Over and over.” I swallowed. “Or I dream of her and I wake up and for a minute I don’t remember she’s…she’s dead. Then it hits me. And I lose her again.”
“Oh. Harry,” she said. She closed her eyes. “I’ve been where you are. Exactly where you are. It’s awful.” She gestured vaguely. “It’s how I became this.”
