I nodded again.
“Good men hurt. And they heal. And when you heal, when the pain has dwindled, it can make you harder, more bitter, more rigid. Or it can make you more…gentle. Understanding. Yes?”
“Gentle…” I smiled faintly and shook my head. “Not what I’d call me.”
“Then you are wrong,” Matias said quietly. “Gentleness is power that chooses to restrain itself. That is under control. Gentleness is someone strong who makes the choice to be careful with that strength. And that is you.” He exhaled through his nose and smiled at his son telling stories to things that most people thought were purely imaginary. “That is you.”
—
Later that night, I got out Backup, Murphy’s old pistol, and put it on the shrine I used to summon her shade.
Sometimes it’s very hard to do the right thing.
I performed the spell that summoned her shade.
“Hey,” she said, cheerfully enough. “What’ll it be tonight?”
I stared at Karrin’s face. The shade looked like she had when I’d last held her, kissed her. Blond hair. Blue eyes. Features that could look cute or tough as needed. Opinionated and smart and stubborn and often wrong but always trying.
“I, um,” I said. Tears wet my cheeks.
She tilted her head slightly, eyes warm and suddenly sad, and in complete understanding. She waited for me to speak.
“I just wanted to tell you goodbye,” I choked out finally. “I…I won’t be calling you after tonight.”
“Seems about right,” she said gently. “I’ve been waiting for you to get here. Oh, Harry. I’m so sorry. For all the things you never got to say to each other.”
“Yeah,” I said quietly, and wept a few tears and smiled at her through them.
“You’re going to be okay,” she said gently.
I nodded and said, “I want to be. I’ll get there.”
“Things take time,” she said.
“Time and sometimes friends,” I said.
“Sometimes them, too.”
—
The next day, Mort Lindquist showed up and asked to speak to me. His head was shaved smooth, his suit fit him well, and he’d brought me a couple of beers from McAnally’s.
“You knew,” I said gently. “You knew I was calling her shade.”
“Happens sometimes,” he said. “She was kind of trapped around you, even before you started making a conscious effort. Sometimes it takes people time to let go.”
“And that’s why you brought Fitz to me,” I said.
“Fitz needed and needs your help,” Mort said. “But if he could keepan eye on things, talk to her shade sometimes, make sure it didn’t get unhealthy for either of you while he was getting helped…” Mort shrugged. “Two problems sometimes make a solution.”
“Damn,” I said quietly. “That’s…some real wizard stuff there, Morty. You’ve come a long way.”
He grinned at me. “We both have.”
He passed me a bottle. We clinked them and drank.
Chapter
