“It is real because Tomo and Yui believe that it is.”
“They don’t know that they’re dead?”
Hana shook her head. “And it is not our place to tell them otherwise.”
Keishin kneaded his nape. “I never believed in ghosts.”
“Oh? But isn’t that why you moved to Japan? To find them?”
“Neutrinos aren’t ghosts.”
“You told me that they are remnants of the past. Wisps of nothing that you cannot see or touch. Echoes that carry stories of dead stars. How are they not ghosts?”
“I…I don’t know,” Keishin said. “I don’t think I know anything anymore.”
“There’s nothing wrong with not knowing things.”
“There is, when your whole career is about finding answers.”
“Have any of the answers you’ve found made you happy?”
“Science isn’t about finding happiness.”
“I thought that finding happiness was what life in your world was all about. That is why it has always been so easy to convince our clients to give up their choices. All any of them wanted was to smile. If happiness were as simple to obtain in this world, I would have given up part of my soul for it too.”
“What do you want me to say, Hana? That nothing I did in my world truly made me happy? That I’ve spent my life tryingto fill a void carved out by my mother? That when I came here, pretending to be all noble and saying that I wanted to help you, all I was really thinking about was finally discovering something that would make me worthy of being loved? You weren’t the only one who hid the truth.”
“I suppose that we are more alike than I thought.”
“I suppose we are.”
—
Hana and Keishin rested their chins on their folded arms on opposite ends of the onsen, their gazes wandering over the surroundings. The newly risen moon bathed the garden in an otherworldly glow, revealing its truth. It was more than just a picturesque landscape. It was its creators’ unique point of view about the world and their place in it. The garden was nature in miniature, an idealized version where rocks were mountains, and koi ponds were seas. It was a pleasure that was not meant to be indulged in all at once, but rather slowly explored, with delights hidden by little hills or trees. Uneven stepping stones forced you to watch your step, keeping you in the present and fully aware of the unfolding path.
“This is Tomo and Yui’s heaven, isn’t it?” Keishin said.
“I want to believe that it is.”
“I wonder if everyone is free to create their own afterlife.”
“What kind of heaven would you create for yourself?” Hana asked.
Keishin turned to face her, brushing a damp lock of silver-white hair away from his eyes. Hana had never met a man more unaware of how he filled the space around him, charging the air. The streak of lightning in his hair made her believe that if the moon disappeared and darkness swallowed them, he alonewould remain lit. He strode toward her, moonlight gleaming on his wet shoulders.
“It would look exactly like this place and everything in it. I wouldn’t change a thing,” he said, locking onto Hana’s eyes. “How about you?”
The steaming water rippled between them, caressing Hana’s breasts. “I am not sure.”
“Try. Close your eyes and try to imagine what would make you happy for eternity.”
“I don’t think I know what eternity is. It is too big.”
“Then go smaller. Imagine now. Something you can hold in your hands.”
Hana kept her eyes closed and let the heat of Keishin’s body guide her fingers to his face. She let them wander over the angles of his jaw and brush over the bow of his lips. “Like this?”
“Hana…” He groaned her name, circling her waist and pulling her into his chest.
