The thought only seems to make it hurt more.
“Are you okay?” Carter asks.
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just a little lightheaded, I forgot to eat.”
“You don’t look fine,” he says, taking a step closer.
I feel dizzy and the pain is so intense I close my eyes again. It’s far worse than normal. The painkillers will fix this, I hope, but they are in my bag in my room. Sunday starts to whimper. My dog knows me better than anyone and he knows when something is wrong. Dogs are so much smarter than humans in so many ways.
“You’re scaring me a little bit. Please tell me what to do,” Carter says.
“There are some pills in my room. They’re in a bag under the bed—”
I’m expecting him to go and get the bag, but instead, he picks me up in his arms and carries me up the stairs toward my bedroom at the end of the corridor. I don’t know how he knew which room was mine. Maybe Maddy told him. He sets me down gently on the bed then grabs the bag and hands it to me. There are several different bottles of pills inside. I’d rather Carter didn’t see what I’m taking so I ask him to get me a glass of water from the sink in the bathroom. I pop two tablets in my mouth, and swallow them.
“Just give me a minute,” I say, curling into a ball and closing my eyes again.
When I open them, Sunday is sitting at my feet, and Carter is sitting on the bed beside me. His face a picture of genuine concern.
“You going to tell me what just happened?” he asks gently.
“I get migraines,” I lie. “Sometimes they’re really bad.”
He nods and I’m surprised he believed me so easily.
“I’m okay now, honest. You should go home.”
“I’m not leaving until I’m sure you’re okay. I’m going to go get myself a drink from the bar. You want one?”
“Are you allowed to just help yourself?”
“No. But I don’t think you’re well enough to arrest me so—”
“I’m fine. You don’t need to stay.”
“I want to. Just until I know you’re all right.”
Carter disappears from the room. He’s clearly very at home in the pub—which I suppose makes sense given he used to live here—and I hear him walk along the corridor and down the stairs. The pills quickly start to do their job, and by the time he returns I am feeling much more like myself. Carter still looks concerned, but is carrying two packets in his teeth, while holding a pint for himself and what looks like a cocktail for me in his hands.
“Dinner is served,” he says, giving me a packet of cheese and onion crisps. “Along with a virgin mojito. My sister says they’re yourfavorite, but I won’t be offended if you don’t like my attempt at making one,” he adds, putting the glass down on the bedside table. “You feeling any better, boss?”
He stares at me with his big brown eyes and I remember the first time we met. I’m very aware that Carter has a crush on me. I think about him too. I should charge him rent for all the time he spends living inside my head when I’m alone in bed at night, but it would be a bad idea to sleep together again now. So I surprise myself when I lean in and kiss him. I know it’s a stupid thing to do for so many reasons. I think it was the way he wanted to help me when he could see that I was in pain. I’ve been on my own for so long, I had forgotten what it was like to feel as though someone else cared.
“Are you sure about this?” he asks as I start tugging at his uniform. But I am sure. I need to feel something tonight. I need to feel loved even if it isn’t real.
“It isn’t as though we haven’t done it before,” I tell him.
“Yes, but that was months ago and you weren’t my boss then.”
“Then pretend I’m a stranger before I change my mind.”
Carter doesn’t need telling twice. He pulls his shirt off over his head, and I can’t help being impressed by the sight of his toned body. Beneath the uniform it’s clear that Carter works out and takes very good care of himself. He gently guides Sunday out of the bedroom.
“I can’t have him watching.”
I laugh and remove my remaining clothes, then Carter pulls me close. He kisses my mouth, my neck, my breasts, while his hand slips inside my knickers. His mouth takes over from his fingers, and I watch his head move between my legs while his tongue teases and pleases me. The pleasure after the pain is almost too intense, so I lean back and close my eyes. He comes up for air and I reach for his boxers. I want them off and him inside me. He moves slowly at first, as though scared he might hurt me. So gentle. So good. Then he finds his rhythm and the bed rocks with each thrust, banging against thewall. Luckily, there are no other guests. We lay on our backs side by side afterward, sweating and breathless, then something else unexpected happens.
Carter holds my hand.
