• Sleeping on the futon
• Child gambling
• Getting Dr. Piggie back from Phil
• Shelly’s cat
As she was talking, a timer went off on her phone.
“Are you burning something?” Justin asked.
She shook her head and exhaled dramatically. “No, that’s the erection timer.”
He spit out his water.
“I know. This is my life. Burt took a handful of Viagrabeforedinner. The nurse said he should go in if the boner lasted more than four hours.”
Justin raised his glass. “To Burt.”
Hugh joined in. “To Burt.”
“That nursing home kicked him out for a reason. He’s barely housebroken.”
“Your granny likes him though, right? Have you tried to get to know him?”
“I bet she was just bored.” Gabby had read an article about high-achieving women choosing to be with dumb idiots. That was Granny.
“Maybe she thinks she can change him,” Justin said, which made Gabby laugh.
“Change him at the age of eighty-three.” An image of Burt’s wrinkled gray ass came to mind.
In an overly serious voice, he said, “She’s doing God’s work. Don’t be getting in that woman’s way.”
“But anyway,” Gabby said, “that’s just the background noise. Work is the real problem. It’s so much pressure. They want me there all day. And I’ve been getting… texts and calls at all hours of the night.” Being kidnapped was part of her job these days. Bad guys didn’t keep their schedules nine to five, so neither could she.
Justin gasped. “For an executive assistant job?”
“My boss had a family emergency yesterday…” She didn’t mention that it was because she had the bright idea to light his garage on fire. “I’ve ended up with more stuff to do than normal.”
“That’s a lot on top of Burt’s erection,” Justin said dryly.
“Especially depending on how well-endowed Burt is,” Hugh added as he passed them each a Grand Marnier. “Just a little digestif.”
“Thanks again for handling the party, Justin. I don’t know what I would have done without you this week.” The worry started to creep back in. “And I’m worried about the kids.” She didn’t specify that she was worried the guy parked outside was going to shoot them.
“Why?” Justin said flippantly. “They’re great kids… for the most part.”
“Their safety. With Burt and Granny in charge,” she clarified, as if that justified her anxiety level.
He raised an eyebrow. “It sounds like Burt and Granny have lots of energy. They might as well watch your kids. And wasn’tyour grandma an Olympic gymnast? That woman is in better shape than either of us.”
“Justin, I’m being serious.”
“Look, Gabby, it’s going to be fine. To me, it sounds like you’re worried about a lot of things you can’t control. You can’t be with the kids every minute of every day. You have to trust someone else. You have to trust me with the party. If Burt loses sexual function because he can’t read directions on his pill bottle, that’s not on you.” As her breathing got faster and shallower, he said, “Take a deep breath, relax.”
She nodded. “It’s just—”
“Nope.” He shook his head. “No excuses. I don’t care what’s on your plate. You can only do what you can do. Everybody has stuff to worry about. We can all only handle one thing at a time.”
