“Because I love you.”
“JP, that is so sweet, but I don’t even know you. And…look what I did to you.”
He shrugs. “I didn’t even know I owned GoldRush. I don’t care that you stole its stupid tagline and name. Have it. If that is the price of love, then so be it. You can have the entire strip club.”
“Ummm. Well…” I think this is the first time anyone has offered to give me a strip club. “Can I get that in writing?”
He blurts out a laugh. “Really?”
“Kind of?”
“You really don’t remember me, do you?” He looks like he’s finally starting to get it.
“Nope. I don’t remember anything.”
For the first time, he looks hurt. “You can definitely have the club. It’s an embarrassment. So low class. I don’t want anything to do with it. Come to think of it, I don’t want you to have it either. Why don’t you do something less…sleazy.”
Now I’m offended. “I worked in that strip club, JP. For years.” I’m just guessing at how long, but “for years” sounds good. “And my friends still work there.” At least until I can get them out.
“I know this, and I want to marry you anyway.”
“Know what?”
“That you come from a low place and have low friends.”
I bristle. “They’re low because they don’t have opportunities and your strip club exploits them and doesn’t pay fair wages. You didn’t give them paid time off or benefits—nothing. How are they supposed to raise themselves up working at a place like that? You can pretend that you have nothing to do with what they’re going through, but you own the club. They work there. You are exploiting those women and paying them shit.”
He didn’t see that coming. I’m starting to feel the familiar burn of anger. I know I’ve felt this before. This is how I ended up here. Pure anger fueled me all the way from that strip club to this kitchen island.
“I can’t be responsible for how all of my investments conduct their affairs. I have too many to keep track of, and they’re run independently, with their own management teams.”
“Maybe youshouldkeep track of them. At least be more careful about what you invest in. If you own a business, you should make sure the employees get paid. Not to mention, why do you own a strip club anyway? Buy a hospital. Invest in clean water. If you have a billion dollars, you should make the world a better place.”
“I am trying.” I can tell that his patience is wearing thin. “You know what I’m doing for the rainforest at Jacques-o-late.”
“That’s nice, but it feels like a marketing gimmick. It’s about image,” I spit out. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but I can feel more anger rising up. This is about more than my experiences at GoldRush.
“This is not how I saw this marriage proposal going,” he says. “You wanted to get married so badly.”
“I had a major head injury, JP. I don’t even know if I’m that person anymore. I think I just need some space for a while. I need to figure out who I am—who Ireallyam.” I stand and head for the door. It’s clearly time for me to go.
JP follows me to the door. “I understand. Sort of. I think it might be best if you just take a nap, though.”
I don’t think he realizes the extent of my existential crisis. Maybe he’s never had one.
When I walk out the door of the pink house on Ocean Boulevard, I can feel it—I’m shutting the door on the person I was before, the person I was for my entire life until last Tuesday. I don’t even know her completely yet, but I’m saying good-bye. The old Mia was going to get married and become Mrs. Jacques-Pierre Howard. She would have lived in that beautiful house with her fast car. JP was buying her The Good Life.57
That girl is not me. JP seems really nice, perfect even, but I need to be on my own for a minute. I don’t know if the head injury altered my brain, if the new perspective opened my eyes, or if I’ve just gone mad—but here I am.
A girl in a cocktail dress with no money.
I just turned down the life I always wanted.
I have a company that isn’t really mine because I stole it.
But my eyes are open. I know what I’m doing, which is better than when I restarted my life on Thursday, completely blind. This time, I know what I’m facing and what I walked away from. I walked away from an easy solution to all of my problems. JP could have solved everything for me with a few swipes of a credit card, but I don’t want that. This is my life and I’m going to do my best to make it right this time. I’ll probably fuck up because it’s me, but I’m going to try.
56Not that I know for sure, but it looks like most of the money is going to hair and nails.
