“You know that’s not it,” Maxwell hissed, drawing closer. “You have a choice. Right now. Two paths before you. One with him, and one with …” He hesitated, looking away.
“One with you?” I finished, hating the note of hope that crept into my voice.
He bit his lower lip. “You know how I feel about you. I see the same want in your eyes. Don’t deny it.”
I pursed my lips. Of course I felt it.Of courseI wanted him. But I couldn’t indulge myself. Perhaps the fact that I’d never denied myself in the past was making this all the harder. “I can’t, Maxwell. As much as I want to.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. “Do you love him?”
I hesitated. “This has nothing to do with love.”
“It haseverythingto do with love!” Maxwell insisted, taking a bold step toward me. “Do you know what sort of family you would be marrying into? Do you know how I’ve had tosurvivein that household? I’ve had to play the good son, learn exactly what to say, what I couldn’t get away with, anything to escape his notice. Mother could only protect us from Father’s wrath so much, and I was lucky because I was the youngest. I was of little consequence to the … the continuation of our stupid bloodline.”
I swallowed hard as he took another step closer.
“And Ambrose …” He laughed dryly. “Ambrose overlooked all of father’s deficiencies. He learned to be the studious, perfect son, and how to keep everyone around him in line. He learned to be the heir, to take my father’s place, along with everything that comes with it, including, apparently, a secret society of monster-hunting radicals.”
“Maxwell,” I said, lifting my hands in an effort to calm him, “Ambrose isn’t your father.”
“No. He just watched, and learned how to become like him, the future duke, at whatever cost, never mind who else was hurt in the process.”
I closed the distance between us and grabbed Maxwell’s arm, squeezing it. He was shaking. “Maxwell … he can’t hurt you anymore. Your father is a withered old man.”
“Yet he still scares me. I’ve had to hide my whole life to avoid him.” Maxwell shook his head. “And you want to marry his successor in every way.”
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “Maxwell …”
“I love you, Lucian,” he said, voice hoarse as he lifted his head so that our faces were only inches apart. He denied me the option to avoid his gaze. His eyes were pleading with me. “Say you love me too.”
My heart was pounding so hard it was a wonder that he couldn’t hear it. I licked my lips, and he seemed to take that as an invitation. My entire body tingled upon contact. His lips were warm and urgent. I felt the need in them, and responded in kind. My limbs responded of their own accord, as if by instinct, wrapping around his back, pulling him against me so no space separated us any longer. The need in me was propulsive. I had to get even closer to him. I wanted to be skin-to-skin.
The sound of flapping wings startled us into disentangling ourselves, a pigeon venturing into the room and taking position on a lopsided table, head cocked curiously toward us.
Maxwell’s hand was still on my lower back, and I resisted the urge to lean back into him, to continue the kiss. It had felt so right. I wanted him, more than anything just now. More than anything, perhaps, except for my immortality.
I took a step away from him, forcing his hand to fall away. My chest heaved as I regained my composure. I straightened my jacket and ran a hand back through my hair. “That cannot happen again,” I told him, even as the words felt like a death sentence.
His face fell and I forced myself to turn away to stop from rescinding them.
“His title is worth so much to you then,” he said, chuckling. “I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong.”
I knew he was lashing out because he was hurt, but his accusation stung nonetheless, especially given how vulnerable he had just made himself to me. Denying his words would only make our parting harder. I lifted my eyes to his again, and when our gazes locked, I could tell he knew I’d felt the same as him. But ours was a forbidden love. It could never be. The regret that flashed over his features tore a hole in my heart as he turned and strode from the room.
I stared after him, hating my weakness, hating that I needed my immortality more than what I could have had with him, but I had to remind myself that Maxwell would be a fleeting moment in a life that could span millennia, if not longer. I knew if I gave in to what I wanted now, even if it felt like my chest was split open, my lifeblood spilling out onto the concrete to leave me cold and empty, I would come to regret turning my back on immortality for this brief mortal bliss.
I closed my eyes, my body trembling, wondering if I was right, or if I was making the worst mistake of my life.
“Lucian! Maxwell!” Violetta’s voice.
I blinked, sloughing off the paralysis that had briefly rooted me to the spot, and backtracked to the front hall. I saw Maxwell bounding up the stairs. He didn’t look back as I followed him up to a landing where Violetta and Ambrose stood.
Without having to ask, Violetta pulled aside a curtain to reveal a staircase that led downward.
“This looks promising,” Ambrose said.
“Quite,” I agreed, automatically sending a look in Maxwell’s direction. He looked away quickly, and my stomach dropped. Once I got my hands on that list of hunters and Ambrose officially asked for my hand, I reminded myself, I wouldn’t have to see him again. His face wouldn’t be a constant reminder of what I could have had. I just had to push through this pain and I would return to my old life. My gift to him would be a reunion with Emmett, and hopefully that would dull some of the pain he felt for losing me.
Wordlessly, we descended the narrow, dark staircase. It went much deeper than the first floor into a basement of cold stone and arches that refused to allow our light to penetrate far ahead of us. The corridor kept going, so that we could no longer be beneath Gramercy House, the air cool and stale as we disturbed a pathway untouched for years. It felt like a tomb, and I shuddered instinctively. It felt like home, like I was back in my castle, no warmth in its walls, an invitation for darkness everywhere.
