I turned to watch him backtrack up the hallway, and cursed myself as he caught me. I turned away quickly, preparing myself for whatever state I would find Helena in.
“My lord,” Percival said, stopping to open her bedroom door. He made to step inside with me, but I stopped him.
“A few minutes alone, Percival,” I told him. It wasn’t a question.
Percival hesitated, but nodded, shutting the door between us.
A heavy sigh escaped me as I stared at the door, putting off turning to Helena in her weakened state. But I didn’t have long. Her death was inevitable, even if she recovered from this illness and the shock it had given her heart. I would have to face it sooner or later. Such was the fate of all mortals. It would be my fate if I didn’t meet Vrykolakas’s challenge.
I forced my legs to carry me to her bedside, where I watched the rise and fall of her chest. I sank into the chair beside her as I stared at her sleeping face, pale and somehow more aged than before. She appeared so feeble and delicate. I grasped her hand, the same hand I had threatened to break only a week prior. Gods, I was an arse. The things she’d had to put up with when she’d been my servant … how had she not reacted to me the same as Thomas Grange every time she saw me? Yet she’d never treated me like a monster.
Her eyes opened and she shifted, struggling to sit up.
“No, no, Helena,” I soothed. “Don’t get up. It’s only me, Lucian. Rest.”
She opened her mouth, but only a croak broke across the silence of the room.
Gently, I pushed her back into her pillow. “Enough of that now. You need to save your strength.” I paused to watch her throat work for a moment. “I’m sorry, Helena. You were a bigger part of my life than my own mother, and I never truly appreciated how much you cared for me over the years. I took you for granted. But I need you to pull through for me now, okay? I understand why you … did what you felt you had to. I deserved it.”
She made to speak again, but I kept a firm hand on her chest to keep her from sitting up. “I need you to be okay, Helena,” I said in a hoarse whisper, realizing that I was overcome with emotion. With no witnesses, I allowed the tears to gather. “I wish that I could repay you for your kindness, that I’d given you what I’d promised, but instead, I treated you like rubbish. I’m arrogant. You’re right about that. I’ve been a fool. Perhaps I was changed at too young an age to gain a proper perspective of the world, and had only a cruel hand to guide me. I should have taken cues from you, Helena. And now, I find need of your guidance more than ever.”
The door clicked at my back. “I think that will do, my lord,” Percival said.
I swallowed an angry retort. I wished to throttle him for his impudence. But I needed to remain calm and collected for Helena. She didn’t need my agitation to distract her from getting better. “Where is Nancy?” I asked him.
He sighed. “Out sick. We have maids checking on Lady Grafton round the clock, so don’t worry.”
I nodded. “I’ll visit you again soon,” I promised, raising Helena’s hand to my lips to kiss it. I laid it back at her side with a delicate pat before leaning in to whisper at her ear. “I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. You’re right. I should have changed you. It was selfish of me not to have done so.” I paused, letting my words sink in. “You deserved better from me. I hope we can put it all behind us and begin anew once you’ve recovered.”
She made a face, as if scowling. I wondered what she would say to me if she had the strength.
“Rest,” I ordered one last time before joining Percival at the door. She looked in my direction with a grave expression, as if she could defy her blindness and find my face, before the door closed between us.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ireturned to my room to find Stuart unpacking the things I’d taken with me to Foxglove Abbey. He tensed as I walked in, and I gifted him a wide smile.
“Stuart!” I said cheerfully. “How I’ve missed our encounters.”
He offered me a stiff nod. “That makes one of us, my lord.”
“You can’t fool me. I can read between your words, and I don’t blame you one bit for being madly in love with me.”
“As you say.”
I chuckled as I flopped onto the bed. I noticed a bowl of water on the floor near the window, with fish shredded on a platter beside it. “Has Beezle taken over my room in my absence?”
“He has made himself at home here, although he comes and goes as he pleases, it seems. He didn’t eat today, but that little beast is probably hunting his own meals, knowing him. He’s altogether abandoned Emmett’s chambers.”
“I am usually the favorite.”
“Indeed.”
I watched Stuart add a bundle of worn clothes to a basket. “I’m glad to see that you’ve managed to evade this illness that’s going around.”
Stuart nodded solemnly. “It’s doubled my workload. At least while the family was gone, there was no need to keep up on some of the redundancies. Now I’m afraid I won’t be getting much sleep until some of the others bounce back.”
“Should I speak to someone on your behalf?”
