“I’ll eat dirt if it gets you to stop hovering.”
With a shake of his head, Maxwell slowly retreated up the hall. “I expect every crumb of that sandwich to be consumed, Lucian. I’m not joking. I will force-feed you if I must.”
I smiled sweetly at him. “You’d like that.”
When he disappeared around the corner, I let out a relieved sigh and leaned against the wall. The truth was, I enjoyed his doting presence, but I couldn’t very well have him around when I had things to take care of. I rolled my head to stare at the open library door just ahead of me. I knew Helena liked to take her tea at this time. I just wish I felt stronger, despite the show I was putting on for everyone. I couldn’t appear weak, but I also knew that I needed that extra day of rest.
With reluctance, I ventured to the library door and peered inside.
As expected, Helena was sitting primly on the couch. Nancy was in the room, but upon seeing me, she made a hasty retreat. “It’s good to see you up and about, my lord,” she told me on her way out.
“Thank you, Nancy.”
I strode across the room and sat down across from Helena with a sigh. I stared at her for a moment, but she didn’t waver whatsoever, waiting for me to speak when I was ready. It had been the same when she’d been my servant. Now, I found it chilling. She was such a good conversationalist, a society woman. I didn’t like her silence now, like we were reverting to our former roles. “Well, that was a trying experience.”
“It sounds like it,” Helena agreed as I poured myself a cup. “The whole house was worried for you.”
“How unnecessary.” I paused. “I hope you weren’t too worked up.”
“No. I’m well aware that nothing as trivial as a fever could keep you down for long.”
I watched her over my teacup for a moment as she took a sip of her own. “I know it was you, Helena.”
Helena stilled, then cocked her head. “Lucian?”
I sighed. “Let’s drop the pretense. I sent a letter to Raven so she could make me immortal again. She never received it. Because you’d already sent word to her. There’s no other explanation for her appearance.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lucian. Whatever would compel me to do that? You know Raven and I never got along.”
“Perhaps you thought that would blind me to the truth, but I’m not a fool. Only two people know that I’m human. Three now that Raven knows. And I doubt very much the driver that night I arrived at this doorstep would have any idea who Raven is, let alone how to contact her.” I shrugged. “So, why did you do it?”
Helena set down her tea and considered a moment, folding her arms in her lap. “Very well, Lucian. Itwasme.”
While I’d already puzzled out the truth, I still felt a sinking in my stomach, one that threatened to drag me down with it. “I considered you a friend, Helena. I truly did.”
Helena sighed. “Lucian, you know that I had to have harbored some resentment for how you treated me. The years following my banishment from your company were the most miserable of my life. It wasn’t all balls and sitting rooms. I hated you, cursed your name. I was adrift for a time before I found my way again and built a life for myself. So, yes, I was angry, and I was hurt. I wanted to see you suffer in some incremental way, to know what it was like when you tossed me aside like the remains of your chamber pot.”
Helena was shaking, and I closed my eyes, absorbing the hate that radiated from her. I could have changed her. Even when she was in her fifties, she would have regained her youth with the transition. Her strength, bones, and flesh would have been fortified against age. But instead, I’d banished her. As much as I’d enjoyed her company, I had been her master, and as such, I hadn’t seen her as the equal she’d always been. She hadn’t met some intangible standard of what I’d wanted in a colleague for eternity. It had been a grave oversight. “I’m … ashamed of how I treated you,” I said softly. “I’m sorry. I wish I had been a magnanimous man back then.”
“Come, Lucian. You’re just as selfish now as you’ve always been. You may have the others fooled, but I know you. You weren’t buying your friends time to escape Raven, like they think. You wanted Raven to turn you back. And the only reason you’re here at all, making nice with the humans, is to return to your former glory.” She shook her head. “When I reached out to Raven, it was in retaliation against the unfeeling vampire I know you to be. You’re still as arrogant as the duke, and without any real power behind you now.”
I felt the heaviness of my bones as I sank back in my seat. How had I not seen her hatred? I’d been so blinded by her kindness, never questioning it, when for decades, withholding trust had been all that had kept me alive. “What does Raven know?”
“Oh, everything. I told her all about your bargain with your god.”
I nodded solemnly. “So, where does this leave us? Do you plan on informing the duke’s family of who I am?”
Helena shifted. “To what end? I could have done that from the beginning. But all that would do is implicateme,and I very much like the life I’ve built for myself here. No, I don’t want your destruction, Lucian. Neither of us wants the Harclays to condemn us for our involvement with vampires. As much as I loathe to admit it, our fates in that regard are intertwined. I will make no further moves against you. And I won’t stand in your way.” She shrugged. “I’m content with the knowledge that Raven will catch you and kill you, or you’ll fail to meet Vrykolakas’s conditions. Either way, you’ll die as human as I have always been.” She held out a hand to shake. “Consider us even.”
I regarded her hand for a moment before I gripped it in mine, soft and wrinkled. I stared into Helena’s unseeing eyes and squeezed her hand painfully.
Her lips tensed, but she didn’t protest as I leaned forward, my voice retrained. “The old me would break every bone in your hand right now so that you would never forget your betrayal. I have half a mind to snap your neck and be done with you.”
“Are you still that monster?” Helena asked.
I loosened my grip, then released her. “I’m not.” I shook myself. “But don’t mistake mercy for weakness.”
Helena smiled thinly. “I would call you many things, Lucian. Weak would not be among them.”
