I hesitated. “You were ill.”
Henri shook his head slowly, knowing that he’d caught me in a lie. He hadn’t been ill by then.
Bram’s fists clenched and his cheek twitched as I looked on, horrified. “Emile is not a piece of property to own. He can see me if he likes.” He took a step closer to Henri, his voice restrained fury. “You know, he just feels sorry for you. You’re pathetic. Forcing someone to love you is pa-the-tic. I know you have issues because of what happened to your parents, but that doesn’t excuse your behavior now. You’re a man. Act like it.”
Henri looked to me. “This is your knight in shining armor, then? This is the man who’s captured your heart?”
I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Fine.” Henri held up his hands, as if giving up. “Have your little doctor friend for today, but remember, you work forme,and you have to come home tome.” He turned and stomped away, and I felt like crying. For Henriandfor Bram. I wasn’t even a part of their world, not really, and look at the chaos I was causing. I would be gone soon, in six months or less. I was being unfair to everyone in this scenario.
“Emile,” Bram put a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m okay,” I told him. “I just don’t see a way where everyone walks away unhurt. It’s not fair to him either.”
Bram sighed. “Emile. You don’t owe anyone anything. Especially not a spoiled count.”
I felt tears stinging my eyes as I pulled away from Bram. “He’s just another man like us, Bram. A man who can’t live how he wants. If I was in his position, I can’t say I’d act much better. He’s been through enough pain, and I’m likely going to hurt him more before I’m through. I already can’t give him what he wants, and I don’t need to make it any worse, for either of you.”
“What are you saying?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m saying that we need to respect Henri’s wishes. Whether you like it or not, I do have to go back to the château tonight, and Montoni is one thing, but I don’t want to cause any more damage to Henri and Blanche than has already been done.”
“So, you’re going to go soothe his bruised ego.”
“Yes. And I need you to accept that.”
Bram eyed me warily. “So, you’re okay with him using you? He’s going to take advantage of his position and you’re just going to let it happen, then act like the victim.”
I glared at him. “That’s what you think of me?”
He pursed his lips. “If you can go back to that …predatorwho takes what he wants and discards people when he’s through with them, then yes, I think you’re a fool. You need to get your head on right, Emile, and see that man for what he is.” He turned and strode up the walk to his front door. With one last look at me, he stepped inside.
I stared at the closed door for a moment. Now Bram was jealous, too? I understood his animosity toward Henri. Given how Henri had jeopardized his father’s practice, I couldn’t even blame him, but what he was saying about Henri was fueled by that personal history. In fact, Bram’s advice about looking out for oneself had probably been informed by Henri’s treatment of him, his betrayal. But that didn’t mean that Bram was wrong. In fact, his words resonated with me. Society was not fair. It didn’t allow for the passive to thrive. I would have to take what I wanted if I was to have it at all.
I kicked at a rock and grunted my frustration as even the stone refused to cooperate, sticking obstinately to the concrete. My eyes found the crowd gathered around the apothecary, even though the body had been removed. I couldn’t let that mystery go like Bram wanted me to. I needed to find out what Montoni was hiding. Bram didn’t understand how difficult it was going to be to appease my aunt and win my inheritance. My route to happiness was going to be much more complicated than just taking what I wanted. I was going to coerce it from the hands of my enemy.
I just hoped that Bram understood in the end.
Henri avoided me for the rest of the week. When I came to help him change in the morning, it was only to find him already gone. When he rang the bell at night, a pile of clothes waited for me to mend and press, but Henri was always absent, usually down the hall at his sister’s door, speaking to her from the doorway and watching me out of the corner of his eyes.
Five days of this, and I finally saw a carriage arrive for teatime, and I knew that Henri would have to be in his room changing. I seized the moment and rushed to his bedchamber, knocking once before stepping inside so that he wouldn’t have the opportunity to refuse me entry.
Henri scowled when he saw me. “Yes, Dupont?”
“We need to talk.”
“Do we now?” He stood in front of his mirror, adjusting his cravat.
I was surprised by how much his indifference toward me stung. The truth was that Henriwasa spoiled count, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t have feelings. I didn’t need to add insult to injury by being so adversarial toward him when I was planning to secure Udolpho from his family by underhanded means. I even liked things about Henri. But I needed to remain in his good graces until I had more information on Montoni. And to do that, I had to be kind to him, even if sometimes I wanted to strike him across the face for his obstinate behavior.
I racked my mind for something to say to him to smooth things over between us, but nothing came to me. Instead, I marched over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I miss you.” And as the words left my mouth, I realized there was truth in them. I did miss his company, when he was the kind, flirtatious count. But I loathed the jealous one.
Henri stiffened beneath my embrace and turned to face me. “What?”
I pressed my face into his chest, worried that he might see the falsehood in my eyes. I felt bad for the deception, but it was necessary. This was merely an act. An exaggeration of my affections. I had to make Henri believe that I cared for him more than I did, but I had to keep that distance between us. “I miss you. Please don’t be like this. I’m so sorry. I know how much you’ve been hurt in the past, and I don’t want to be another source of pain for you. I just … I really care about you.”
I cringed internally, worried I might have overdone it. Henri couldn’t be so self-absorbed that he would believe I would apologize tohim.
