Lucas and I locked eyes over dessert, and I got lost in the contours of his eyes and the curve of his lips. Julia was saying something—Itried to listen—about a new technique she’d learned for hair cutting that she wanted to try out on me. I found the idea horrifying.
When we were done, Dante brought out a few bottles of liquor and Roy turned on his old radio. I sat down on the wicker sofa between Julia and her nephews. Catalina and Dante danced, and Giulio walked over with outstretched arms, wanting me to join him as well. I tried to resist, but it was impossible, and in a matter of seconds, he had dragged me out there, resting his hand on my waist and weaving the fingers of his other hand into mine. We swayed to the rhythm and when the chorus came, he spun me around several times. I laughed, clutching his shoulders so I wouldn’t slip on the grass.
The song ended, and during the pause, I went to pour myself a drink. It was hot, and the damp air felt thick around me. I struggled with the soda bottle, and finally Dante appeared beside me and opened it.
When I thanked him, he said, “Prego,” and asked me in Italian if I was having fun.
“It’s impossible not to,” I told him.
He studied me with his penetrating stare and said, “So, you’re going to work in the scuola di danza. Bene, Giulio will have more free time. He needs it.”
“Why?” I asked after taking a sip of my drink. “Does he work a lot?”
“Yes, especially in summer.” Giulio, just then, was jumping around with Chiara on his back. “We promised each other we would spend less time at work and more time together. Il tempo è importante, especially if you want to start a family.”
“Family?” I asked, gripped by a kind of horror.
“I want to adopt a child, or due, or tre… I’ve always dreamed of being surrounded by a bunch of kids.”
I was happy he was at least telling me most of this in Spanish. Ididn’t want to miss a detail. Still, he talked so fast, and his accent was a little strange.
“What about Giulio?” I asked, trying to look less interested than I was.
“He says he doesn’t have, eh…l’istinto paternale?”
“Paternal instincts, right.”
“But I think he’s starting to change his mind.”
I felt so uncomfortable—and guilty because I still couldn’t bring myself to ask Giulio that burning question I needed the answer to. I knew he must have noticed the changed expression on my face. The idea of Giulio having children was so strange to me. It made me almost jealous. And I hated myself for that.
“I’m sure you’ll be wonderful parents.”
“Grazie.”
I took another sip of my drink and watched how everyone there was enjoying themselves. Some were dancing, some laughing, and I was trying not to burst into tears. I had the sense that someone was watching me and turned around to find Lucas on the other end of the yard. We were trapped briefly in that moment, not even pretending not to look at each other.
Another song began. I recognized the melody. Lucas smirked, left his drink on the windowsill, and walked over.No, I thought. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Did he have no sense of shame?
I started shaking my head, and he nodded. I tried to run off, but I didn’t make it far. He grabbed me around the waist and turned me around. “Please, no,” I said as our bodies met.
“Come on, it’s summer, you’re in Italy, and Eros Ramazzotti is playing. One day you’ll look back and remember this as one of the best moments of your life.”
“I doubt that.”
“You’ll remember me!” he said.
“Oh, and that’s supposed to be a good thing,” I replied, and he pretended to be offended, calling me wicked. He wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lower back to bring me closer to him. With his other hand on my waist, we started swaying. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he sang. I couldn’t understand the words so well, but I could tell it was a love song. A man said he didn’t remember how it started, but he sang to a woman one time, and words of love weren’t enough to tell her how beautiful she was. How unique…
We were squeezing together tight, and we fit together perfectly. I was hot, tense, my eyes pinned to his lips. It was ridiculous, special…perfect. I had never danced with anyone that way. So intimately. Our bodies saying all we couldn’t say with words. I longed for him, and I knew that moment would remain burned into my memory. Burned by the fire of happiness.
The singer wondered how the years pass but his love never changes…now:How is it years pass, and my love for you never does, infinite…
I was trembling as I drew in a deep breath.
We weren’t alone, but I no longer cared.
Let yourself go.
