I shivered, and it had nothing to do with the temperatures dropping that fall. I had always dreamed of working for Alexei Ratmansky, and he had been the choreographer for the ABT for years now. “Youarekidding, right?” I asked.
“No, Maya. They chose you. This is an amazing opportunity.”
I opened the envelope and read the letter, then held it to my chest. It was true. I thought of my own company in Madrid. I was about to become prima ballerina there. I had worked hard to achieve it. And then there was Antoine. A relationship like ours had almost no chance of surviving that much distance. And then there was my grandmother…
She’d say no. She’d never let me leave.
“Fyodora, I can’t.”
“Maya, you can and you should. Go to New York and knock their socks off. Fly, babe.”
“How will I pay for it?”
“Don’t worry about that,” she said.
Just thinking about it was painful, and I was incapable of concealing the desperation that was running through me. Wanting to, being unable to. Being able to and not knowing if I wanted to. I was walking on a thread, and it was terrifying. I would have to change my life. Was I ready? Was I ready to change my future, everything I had known?
“But…” I began.
“No buts. We’re doing this. Is your passport up to date?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Then all we have to do is pick your routine.”
Three weeks later.
“You’re ruining everything,” Olga shouted.
“It’s just an audition, and there’s a zero percent chance they’ll take me.”
“Then why waste your time? You could still go with the company to Seville. It would be your first performance as prima ballerina. For God’s sake, Maya, get ahold of yourself.”
I shook my head, praying she would understand me. That for once in my life, she’d take my side.
“Natalia agrees,” I said. “She’s fine with it, she supports me, she’s happy I got this chance.”
“Of course she is. What does she care? If she doesn’t have you, she’ll just find someone else.”
“If I don’t make it, they’re not going to fire me.”
Drilling into me with her cold eyes, she asked, “And what if it goes well?”
I didn’t dare respond. I couldn’t tell her that if the ABT accepted me, I’d run away from Madrid without looking back, leaving her behind and finally having a life of my own. One she couldn’t control for me anymore.
I grabbed my suitcase and headed for the door.
“Maya, I forbid you to leave this house.”
I didn’t turn around.
“Don’t you dare leave,” she continued. “You’re squandering everything.”
I turned the knob and opened.
“Maya, you can’t do this to me. Not now. You owe me.”
I closed the door behind me and didn’t stop.
