And if I thought of it objectively, Lucas had been the first one to leave, weeks ago, even if he was physically present.
As for my decision, I had no doubt whatsoever. I had been right to take my own road. It wasn’t our moment. It probably never would be. Staying with each other would have destroyed us. Yet there was a truth that remained through that realization—in fact, it grew stronger. I loved Lucas. I loved him a lot, and I knew I’d always have him inside me. And hopefully, after a while, when I thought of him, I’d do so with a smile and not with the tears that I could barely hold back just then.
I closed my eyes and let the movement of the train rock me.
I woke when the other passengers stood. Through the window, I could see we were in Alicante. I walked my bags out to checked luggage and left them there before continuing with my plan.
I wasn’t scared, but I was nervous. I had decided to be brave, to confront everything that had held me back, to turn the page on all that had made me suffer and were still doing so. From now on, I would do things right, even if that meant I’d have to go it alone. Anyway, wasn’t that what I’d always done? The answer was yes, and knowing this gave me the strength to continue.
I exited the station and walked to the taxi stand.
Fifteen minutes later, I was in front of my uncle’s house in a development outside of town near the beach. I rang and waited. Soon, the iron gate opened and my cousin peeked out.
“Yes?”
“Hey, Iván,” I said.
“Whoa! Maya!” He slung the door open and stood there slack-jawed, unable to believe I was really there. “I hardly recognized you!”
“I know,” I responded, “it’s been ages since we last saw each other.”
“Years, for sure. You’re all grown up.”
“You, too. I’m here to see Grandpa. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course. Just be careful and don’t trip on anything. He’s sitting out on the back porch. He likes to listen to the radio out there.”
He stepped aside and I walked over the paved path through the front yard and into the two-story home, kicking the hose that lay in my way.
Iván added, “You look good.”
“Thanks. Nothing compared to you, though.”
He shrugged as he guided me inside and toward the kitchen. “I can’t complain. I’m getting married. I don’t know if you heard.”
“Honestly, I don’t talk much with anyone in the family.”
“Sure, I get it. Anyway, my fiancée’s name is Elena. We met at aninternship in the hospital. I work in a laboratory, I guess you didn’t know that. We still don’t have a date set, but the wedding will be sometime in the spring.”
I didn’t know about his job; I barely knew anything about any of my cousins. But Iván had always struck me as one of the nicer ones, and he was confirming that impression now. I congratulated him.
“Thanks. You should come!”
“Is this an official invitation?”
“You’re my cousin,” he replied. “Of course it is.”
Looking around, I noticed the house was silent and felt empty, and I asked, “Aren’t your parents or Grandma here?”
“Nah, they’re all at the market in Teulada.”
As we walked out onto the back porch, I could smell freshly cut grass and the sea. It was calming. I saw my grandfather there, sitting in a wicker chair next to a table, and could hardly contain my joy. Iván announced my presence. “Grandpa, you’ve got a visitor.”
“Visitor?”
“Hey, Grandpa,” I said.
He straightened up immediately and turned toward us. “Maya, is that you?”
