“And you stuck around to be with him? I think my heart’s going to explode!”
She rested a hand on mine. I was so surprised by the gesture, I flinched. When she noticed this, Adele squeezed tightly.
“I’m sorry to disillusion you, but it wasn’t quite like that. Nothing happened that time. It couldn’t yet, and I knew that. The filming ended, and I went back to Paris, back to my life, the debut, the parties. But I realized that wasn’t me, and all I could think about was how I’d felt here. Happy. Free… Like myself. Three months later, I came back to stay.”
“What a story!”
“It’s not a story, it’s my life,” she responded, content. Then she stood and walked a few steps, as if she couldn’t be still for too long. “So what about you?” she asked. “Where’s home for you?”
Before I could tell her, a shutter struck the window, frightening me. The wind’s whistle was almost deafening. I waited a few seconds for my pulse to slow back down.
What had she asked me? Oh, right!
“I live in a rented apartment in Toronto, but I’m from Montreal.”
“That’s far from the island. Are you here for vacation?”
“No. I mean, sort of. It’s a long story.”
She could sense the worry in my voice, and she leaned her head to one side before saying, “I love long stories.”
I shrugged.
“The fact is, this trip was sort of out of the blue. I should be back home, taking care of things at my internship and getting ready for the upcoming semester, but my grandmother died not long ago, and since then, it’s like the whole world has stopped. Everything’s falling apart.” I paused to take a breath of air. “She brought me up, and…”
Adele’s once cheerful demeanor changed all at once, and she grabbed both my hands. “I’m so sorry, Harper. I know what it means to lose a loved one.”
“I miss her so much.”
“Of course you do, dear.” She wiped away a tear I hadn’t been able to suppress. “Come on, let’s go sit in the living room where we’ll be more comfortable.”
I followed her to a yellow sofa in the middle of the room facing a fireplace. I sat next to her, feeling abashed that I’d fallen into the same old trap of giving explanations no one had asked me for, personal details I wasn’t sure anyone wanted to hear. I was always justifying myself, and I hated myself for doing it. I hated that constant need for approval.
Keeping my trap shut, that was the simplest, easiest way to avoid others’ judgments. But for some reason, I had never learned how to do it.
“Sorry I asked. I didn’t want to upset you.”
Her soft voice was comforting. I cleared my throat before responding.
“Don’t apologize. You’re being so sweet. You barely know me and you opened your home to me. Besides, I asked you first. It’s only normal that you do the same.”
“Yeah, but don’t feel forced, Harper. You only have to tell me what you want. But if you do feel like talking, I’m not a bad listener.”
Adele seemed genuinely worried, and I smiled, trying to ease her mind. I told her in broad strokes about my situation. Something told me she understood, and I started to feel she could see who I really was, and this feeling grew the more I confessed to her.
“I need to make an important decision, and I’m hoping to find the answer I need here. That’s it in a nutshell.”
As she thought over what I’d said, I brought a hand to my chest,nervous. I’d heard what I thought was thunder far off, and clouds were starting to cast shadows over the light flooding through the windows.
“I hope you find your answer, too, Harper. I wish I could give you some good advice, but I’m someone who made a lot of mistakes before I managed to make the right decision.”
“How did you know it was the right one, though?”
“Because it made me happy. It was as easy as that.”
“I’m scared, Adele. I’m scared of being wrong.”
“Dear, we’re all scared of making mistakes. I am, still, because even the right decision may not be the most sensible one, and just because it’s right for now doesn’t mean it always will be in the future. It may only make you happy in that moment. And maybe that’s enough, but still, it’s normal to worry about that. Fear is natural—it keeps you on your toes, it pushes you to struggle, to survive. The problem is when fear turns into panic. Panic attacks the fragile parts of you. It can smell them out like a predator, and it eats you up inside because it knows you’re weak and can’t fight back. And it’s easy to just let life drag you along, but if you get caught in the current, you might drown.”
