“Yeah, but you’re here, and tomorrow you’ll have to see him, no matter what. Not answering his calls may not be the smartest thing for you, let alone the most mature.”
I rested my head on the counter. Then I looked over at her and smiled naively.
“I don’t have to see him if I pretend I’m sick.”
Naturally, Frances shouted back, “Your sister’s getting married tomorrow! You can’t do something like that to Hayley!”
“I know, I know, I know… It’s a dumb idea,” I rushed to say, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t seriously considered it.
She looked at me skeptically, but a second later, I could see the compassion on her face.
“Your father can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do, Harper.”
“Nolan Weston never takes no for an answer, and he always finds a way to get what he wants. Sooner or later.”
“Maybe not this time.”
I smiled. I wanted to believe her, but a barrier of anxiety andintimidation warded off all logical thought, and my insecurities overtook every part of me as soon as I thought about seeing him the next day. Three days in one week, a record. We hadn’t seen each other that many times all year. In fact, we hadn’t seen each other at all.
Some customers came in, and Frances hurried to take care of them. I went back to my armchair, where I had left the letter from my grandmother. I grabbed it, meaning to put it back in its envelope, but I wound up lost in its words, even though I knew them by heart.
Harper:
If you’re reading this, you know about my will.
You must feel confused right now, and angry, too, but you have to understand: I couldn’t tell you. You would have left everything to come be with me, and I couldn’t allow you to make that sacrifice.
I love you too much to let you watch this old woman fade away.
I also think a person has a right to decide how she wants to spend her last days, and that’s what I’m doing, living them without regrets. This is how I want to go, free, not being a burden. It might seem selfish, but it’s actually the most selfless thing I’ve ever done.
One day, you’ll understand, and I know you’ll forgive me.
You must have a lot of questions. Why did I leave everything to you? Why not to the others? The answer’s simple. They’re different. They’ve always been more practical, and if something doesn’t make money for them…
My home and my bookstore are all I have. They’re worthless, but they contain a whole life’s worth of moments and memories and dreams.
I know you’ve struggled to make it where you are. I alsoknow you think you’ve got the life you’ve always wanted. But when I look at you, I still see that little girl who would rather put books in order on a bookshelf than go play with other kids. The one who enjoyed making recommendations and dreamed of writing her own stories one day. I still recognize her in you and I still see the flickers of that old wish in your eyes. And that’s why I want to give you the chance to get that hope back.
Keep the bookstore. Your dream of writing lives on in it.
Why work publishing other people’s books when you can show the world your stories? You’ve got talent. You always did. You shouldn’t be scared of your dreams, because without them, much of what we are loses its meaning.
But if I’m wrong, and you go back to Toronto and to your life there, I’ll understand. And if you do that, you won’t be able to hang onto the bookstore. If that happens, find someone who will truly appreciate it, please.
I’m sorry if this old woman has made your life complicated with her last wishes. I could use my age as an excuse, or all those awful anxiety pills I have to take, but I’d be lying.
I’d like to think I’m not burdening you, that I’m liberating you.
Harper, I’m so proud of you and the woman you’ve become, and it makes me feel calm as I go to meet your mother.
We’ll always take care of you.
Now you take care of yourself. You’re perfect just the way you are.
I grimaced, with a sharp pain in my chest that I thought would never end.
I felt Frances’s hand on my back and her caramel scent enveloped me. The weight of recent days came down on me all at once, and I started crying.
