We sold my grandmother’s house and bookstore three weeks later. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t one of the hardest moments of my life. I cried every night from regret. And every morning, I’d wake up and miss the girl I’d been. The one who wasn’t so torn, so indecisive. The one who had saved me from ruining my own life. The one I hoped was still alive inside me and would come back someday, maybe.
Time passed, and I got used to my new routine. My job was to do everything Dustin asked of me. Take calls, greet clients, take notes at meetings, draw up contracts… I tried to do everything right, tried to learn, and didn’t complain at his attempts at flirtation. For some reason I couldn’t put my finger on, Dustin thought everythingbetween us would go back to being the way it was. He gave me flowers every day and invited me constantly to dinner, and my rejections meant nothing to him. Soon I’d run out of excuses.
The only positive thing was that I was seeing more of Hoyt and Hayley. I usually went to lunch with them at a nearby restaurant. That was my only happy moment of the day.
Hoyt started spending his evenings at the family home in Léry now that I was staying there. We’d have dinner with Dad and watch a movie or read in the library.
Things with Dad were better than they had ever been. Our relationship remained cold, sometimes tense. But now he could at least stand my presence, and when he didn’t think I could see him, he would watch me with curiosity.
On the weekends, I’d walk through the gardens on the property, letting my mind wander, recalling the few happy moments I’d spent there among the flowers and trees.
Hayley and Scott came to visit almost every Sunday. Dad would barbecue lunch himself and drink beer with the guys like a regular, everyday person. Gathered like that, we seemed like a real family, and that made me feel, however briefly, like a real person.
Sometimes you fall apart, and to keep going, you have to pick up the pieces of yourself first. I tried to do it, but they were so heavy I could barely take a step. Only with time did it get easier. And yet, my heart ached. The pieces of it were sharp, and I couldn’t figure out how to hold them together, and all I could do was try to cope, try to forget.
I tortured myself, wondering all the time what I would be doing if Trey were there. Wondering if he’d met someone. If he missed me as much as I missed him. Probably not, because he had vanished without a trace. Three months had passed since we’d broken up, and he hadn’tmade the least effort to get me back. It was selfish of me to think he should, after what I’d done, but I couldn’t help it.
They say time heals all wounds, that distance makes you forget. But it’s not true.
Time is distance.
Distance is longing.
And what you don’t know can hurt you.
The days flew past, and I let them carry me along. In my desolation, the only thing that kept me afloat was books, which at least helped me disconnect from reality.
One day at work, I took out the latest book I was reading, A.J. Finn’sThe Woman in the Window, a mystery with lots of suspense. For now, I’d vetoed all love stories. As I read, I unwrapped a turkey and cabbage sandwich and looked at it with disgust.
“I’d throw that away before it mutates and eats you.”
I looked up from my so-called lunch and saw my brother standing in the doorway of my office with a pleasant grin on his face. I laughed and did as he said.
“I thought you were taking the day off,” I said.
“So did I, but Corbin’s sick and I have to present the new renewable energy project we’re working on in Tokyo.” He loosened his tie. “Now that you’ve thrown away your sandwich, are you up for grabbing a bite with me?”
“Tacos?”
“Sure, with extra guac.”
“What about an ice cream after?”
“With chocolate and colored sprinkles,” he said, grinning.
“I love how well you know me.”
“I’d be a terrible brother if I didn’t.”
It was nice having him nearby, spending time together. He was less like a big brother now and more like a friend—a friend who protected me, who liked to boss me around, but whom I wouldn’t change for anything in the world.
It was cold, and snowflakes were floating in the air as we walked to La Capital, a nearby restaurant that made the best tacos in town. We ordered a sampler as well as quesadillas.
“I think I’m going to take the next step with Megan,” Hoyt said, taking a sip of his soda.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m going to ask her to go out with me.”
