I look up at him. His broad shoulders, his stocky frame. “Yes, honey.”
He laughs and leads me into a spin that gives me butterflies, then easily catches me and pulls me against him again. I love dancing with him. He feels confident, which makesmefeel confident. We move in sync, and when he does things—like that twirl, for instance—I sense it coming and can lean into it.
The idea of him traveling without me returns and I feel awful again. Because on the one hand, I made such a big deal about him giving up and wanting to stay with me, and on the other, I do selfishly want that, but I’d never say it. Tears sting my eyes and I use it as an excuse to put my head against his shoulder.
“My mom taught me,” he says, unprompted. “It was very embarrassing at the time, and I kept telling her no, but she said, ‘Jamison, if you break your date’s toes, she’s never going to want to dance with you again.’”
I manage to blink away the tears and look up at him. “And who was this girl?”
“Lori Hauck.”
“Gesundheit.” He laughs and shakes his head. I open my mouth to ask more about Lori Hauck—totally ready with a “Lori Hauck-a-loogie” joke—when I see the admiral approach us.
“Jamison,” he says. “Can I talk to you?”
Dammit. We were doing so well there for a second. I step away from Jamie as he gives me a look that asks if I’m okay with it.
“Go ahead. It’s fine.”
“I’ll be right back.”
I nod, but after I look around at the other dancing couples, I make a beeline back to the table, where Rocky Horror is frowning over his glass of hooch. Daphne is next to him with a disappointed look on her face. I drop onto the bench across from them.
“We were so close,” Daphne says, shaking her head.
“Close how?” I ask.
“The two of you have barely talked the past two weeks, but youseemed pretty cozy just now,” Rocky Horror says.
Daphne turns to him. “I told you. Any time I have two characters in my books with a misunderstanding, I just force them to dance. Who slow dances in silence?”
“Sociopaths,” Rocky Horror says.
“Excuse you both,” I jump in. “We didnothave a misunderstanding.”
There wasn’t anything to misunderstand. I said everything I needed to say to Jamie about how mad I was and why. I was annoyed that he decided to leave the boat after Hickey kicked me off. If it had just been left at that, it would have been fine. But then when I asked him to stay on the crew, he doubled down and kept telling me over and over that he didn’t care about the boat trip, he just didn’t want to be away from me.
I couldn’t understand. Henri was the entire reason we were here, building this new family with everyone we’ve met. How could he just say “I don’t care, I’ll stay here” when the entire purpose of the trip was to go up and bring her back?
Back to her daughter, Amy. Not to mention her new granddaughter and namesake, Henri-Two.Herfamily. And ours.
It was a sweet gesture and I appreciated that, but I told him to stop being stupid and stick with the boat. For Henri, but also for Cara. Yes, Cara and Daria are friends now, but she’s still dealing with her PTSD and gets panic attacks every once in a while. She needs more than just Daria on her side, especially with Hickey being as impatient as he is.
And, yes, this is absolutely what I lie awake at night thinking about. When Jamie and I were on the road with a shared goal, weseemed to work. But what if here, now that we’ve reached safety, we want different things? He started to talk about us staying up north after Henri gets on the boat, and going back to the cabin, just the two of us. And when we first got here, that plan made sense. We were scared that what happened in Fort Caroline—authoritarianism and bigotry—would happen here. But the Keys aren’t like that. We have a community here. A family, even. And if Fort Caroline came a-knocking at our one-road-in, one-road-out island-chain community, that family would protect us.
I don’t understand why he wants to leave that.
So, yeah, none of it was a misunderstanding. But it did get bigger than I thought it would. And Jamie being so willing to give up on our plans made it worse.
It felt like something had changed, specifically in him, and I don’t know what it is.
“If it’s not a misunderstanding,” Daphne says, “then what is it?”
I shrug. “Maybe our relationship was just a codependent thing while we were on the road. We felt like we needed each other, and now that we’re safe, things are just... different.”
“Then why are you the one pushing him away?” Rocky Horror asks.
“I’m not pushing him away.”
