Started: Rocky Mount, NC 12/27
Finished: Cushman, NC 12/28
Stillwith us on our journey. Still! It has to be Andrew and the others. It’s not Andrew’s or Cara’s handwriting. It must be Taylor’s. Because of course she’d think of something like this.
I hug the book to my chest, tears welling in my eyes, then look back at the writing.
December 28.
Shit, that was a week ago.
“We passed through Rocky Mount,” Niki says.
That was days ago, but they got here in only a day. “They must be driving.”
We won’t be able to catch up to them, but we know where they’re going, and we’ll get there eventually. And now we have Daphne on our side, too.
I squeeze as much moisture as I can from the book and put it in my pack. I’ll leave it out to dry whenever I can. I just hope it doesn’t get moldy. But for now, I feel rejuvenated. Even my sore feet aren’t enough to slow me down.
Newt is looking up at me, his tail brushing the wet leaves and weeds on the road.
“All right,” I tell him. “You did good.” I take the hedgehog out of the pack and throw it ahead for him.
We’ll see everyone soon. And though the thought of seeing Andrew again still scares me, finding this book makes me feel like I can handle it. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll be as happy to see me as I will be to see him.
Andrew
WE’RE GOING TO LEAVE HENRI’S SOON. HENRI,Amy, and her sister have all decided to stay, regardless of whatever happens in Fort Caroline. Henri even gave a laugh and said she’d like to see them try to come here.
Amy said she’d cover for us, tell them we went to Connecticut. I even gave them my home address so she could pass it on to them.
The night before we’re planning to leave, Cara asks to talk with me outside.
“I’m going to stay here. Maybe not with Kristy and Amy, but close. Unless they don’t mind me staying. But we’re just three or four days’ walk from my hometown. I haven’t been since... August, the year of the flu. I’m not ready to go back yet, but I think I might be one day soon.”
“Do you want us to wait? We can go with you.” Maybe this is me trying to find an excuse not to go to Jamie’s cabin. I made the decision so firmly, but now it kind of scares me. Especially without Cara coming. We’re losing members of our fellowship left and right, and what if it’s just me soon? Alone.
“I don’t want you to go with me. I want—Ihaveto go alone.” A fat tear spills over the edge of her eyelid. I put my good hand out to her, and she snatches it, holding tight. I try to put my injured hand gently over hers. The nerves shoot pain up to my shoulder and I try to hide the wince. She takes a deep, shaky breath before she speaks. And when she does, it’s like she’s practiced this for months.
“No one in my family got sick. My dad was a pediatric nurse, my mom was an oral surgeon, and when things got really bad, they both helped at the hospital as often as they could, but they still never got sick. All their patients died but they never did. When the hospital had to close and they came home, they didn’t get any of us sick. My grandmother was still living with us, my sister, my aunt Tracey. I knew they were trying to help people, but I was so scared they would catch it from someone.”
Cara pauses and I let her take whatever time she needs, because if I say anything she might retreat into silence, and I think sheneedsto get this out.
“Still, they were healthy. So were we. One morning in November, I heard from my neighbor that one of the grocery stores was getting a food shipment. This was after the internet stopped working and we were only hearing rumors from the other people left in our town. I left early, alone, because the last time we went things got a little crazy. Anyway, I managed to get a couple bags’ worth of canned food, and as I was walking back, I started smelling the smoke.”
She pauses for a long time.
“They set my house on fire. They burned them all alive because someone heard a rumor that they were asymptomatic carriers. My mom and dad had been in the hospital, trying to help, but peoplewho’d lost their own loved ones were grieving. They started talking about how my family was fine and they said we were spreading the virus. That people like us who didn’t have symptoms just kept giving it to everyone else. Do you think that’s true?”
“No. That’s not what happened.”
She nods as though she might not believe me but wants to. “I know people were scared. All of us were, but they...” Her voice breaks, and she pulls her hands away from mine, pressing them to her eyes. “I want to... I hope that...”
She doesn’t seem to know what she wants to say next, like this is the part she didn’t practice. Then finally she gives a quick, short exhale.
“Iwantto go home. And Iwantto try and... forgive them. Even if they’re dead and there’s no one left, I want to be able to forgive them. I want to remember why they were so scared, and I want to be able to forgive them. Do you think that’s weird?”
I shake my head. “I think it’s brave.” Cara—who isn’t a hugger—wraps her arms around me, tight.
