‘Thomas?’
But that wasn’t Brad’s voice. I looked past Brad, and he spun to see who had noticed us talking. Then he took another sip of his empty beer and left without another word. Leaving me gazing across the lawn at Gabe De La Hoya.
‘Hey,’ I said, trying to play it cool. But inside, I was screaming with joy.
I waited as Gabe told his friends he’d be right back. He had a drink in his hand, and a bit sloshed out as he walked toward me. He held the cup out and pulled me in for a hug with his right arm.
‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.
‘What areyoudoing here?’
He threw a thumb over his shoulder. ‘Amber’s dating one of my friends.’ I had met the guy in question a few months back at her last party here. But Gabe hadn’t been here, or if he had been, I’d missed him.
Doubtful. Gabe stood out.
I asked him how work was. He said it was great but then launched into complaining about the ‘creepy guy at table sixteen’ – Mr Gilbert – who wouldn’t let his wife speak. I told him Mr and Mrs Gilbert always sat there and he always ordered for her.
‘Gabriel!’ Ava’s shout drifted down the hill, and she came trotting down after it, Morgan following close behind her in clothes more fitting her age than the mom suits and blouses she wore as a host at work. The four of us sat by the fire and talked work for a bit before Gabe told us to come meet his friends.
They were the typical straight white guys I expected from Archbishop Murphy – Gabe’s all-boys Catholic school. Most Murphy boys came complete with fade haircuts, and when they weren’t in their blazers and ties, they wore activewear and sweats. Gabe seemed to be the only exception among his friends. He wore jeans – which made me realize Sunset Estates’ black pants didnothingfor his butt and should be outlawed on him – and a plaid button-down with the sleeves rolled up. And there were those arms again.
The guy dating Amber was named Fred Shaughnessy, and though he had his arm around her shoulders, he kept looking down at Ava’s chest.
The rest of them just kept saying and doing bro-y shit – shotgunning the cheap beer, talking about kicking each other’s asses in video gamesandreal life, whispering about the girls around them when Ava wasn’t paying attention – like they were trying to one-up each other on their asshole-ish manliness. The only one of Gabe’s friends who seemed less than insufferable was Kevin Wheeler, though he seemed to be flirting an awful lot with Ava. Who also seemed to be flirting right back. Or they were just talking video games – it was hard to tell.
Seeing Gabe with people like this – people he called his friends – was uncomfortable, and suddenly it felt like in summer camp, when Gabe seemed to get along with everyone and I was the awkward loser next to him.
It was something I hadn’t really felt in a long time. I had a good group of friends at school, most of whom I had made over the years. The Sunset Estates friends were made by necessity. We were all different but were joined together by this weird mutual job. At Sunset Estates, Gabe was part of us, but at school he must have been a completely different person.
For the first time in years that nagging voice in my head, telling me I was the loser and Gabe was too nice to tell me otherwise, was coming back. When we were kids, Gabe’s mere presence and smile had been enough to silence it, but when I went to middle school that fall, the voice got louder. It took years, and my friends constantly encouraging me, for me to feel better about myself.
‘Excuse me.’ I turned and headed for Amber’s house. All the fun and excitement at seeing Gabe had dissolved. Those were the people he hung out with. Which meant he was one of those people, too.
I felt stupid that I had ever crushed on him.
I stayed in the downstairs powder room longer than I should have. It was the only room on the first floor with a door I could lock, and I just wanted to be alone for a bit.
There was a knock, and I checked my face in the mirror before opening the door. My stomach clenched.
It was Gabe.
He smiled. ‘I wondered where you went.’
‘Too much toxic masculinity.’ I tried to push past him, but he was still in the way. ‘Excuse me.’
‘Wait here for me.’ He stepped aside, and I opened my mouth to argue but instead just walked out into the hallway. When he shut the door, I went into the kitchen. Luke was there, mixing himself another drink. He nodded at me, and I gave him a raised-eyebrow ‘hey’ on my way outside.
I stood on the back deck, scanning the yard. The party was starting to pick up, but I wanted to find Ava so I could tell her I was going home and ask if she could get a ride with Morgan. I don’t know why I felt so weird, but all I wanted was to curl up and watch a cooking show. Maybe I would find a difficult recipe and bake my feelings away.
‘Hey.’ Gabe was back. He pulled the sliding glass door closed behind him. ‘Can I get you a drink?’ He leaned against the deck railing next to me.
‘I’m heading out.’
He tilted his head. ‘What’s up?’
I took a couple of seconds to weigh the pros and cons of telling him the truth, then decided I didn’t care if he didn’t want to hear it. He was asking, so I’d answer.
‘Your friends aren’t really my speed.’
